The Friend Zone | part 1
Today, we are going to be learning something that affects us all. it’s a phenomena that scientists worldwide have been studying and have finally succeeded in solving. It is a disease that respects neither old nor young.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am honoured to have been part of the scientists that have found a cure to this menace; the number one killer of men and women - The Friend Zone.
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What A Saturday!
“Water, e no get enemy!” Famous lyrics of a very famous song! However, recent occurrences have caused me to wonder about the truth in these words. Am I saying that the famous Fela was a false prophet? NO!! I just don’t know any fella called Prophet Fela…do you? I thought not!
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Dating | The Terms Of Agreement
Its common knowledge that the most ignored part of most negotiations is the ‘Terms of Agreements’ especially if its almost 10 pages long (which is mostly thecase). Many partnerships have failed, businesses have crashed and people havefelt cheated all because they didn’t have the patience to read through 10 paged small print of legal jargon.
Who can blame them though?
This right here though, is a MUST read! Yes! If you don’t, well (I’ll try compose a BC to that effect)…Every business , transaction or interaction between 2 people normally has terms of Agreement n this binds the parties involved once they agree..
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To My Future Wife | The Final Saga
I noticed it's been a while since i wrote to you so here goes............
Hey sweetness, hon, babe, darlin, how u doing this beautiful day..yes I shall refer to u as any of d above n more most often,names like mama ____ will not be allowed in our home. What u will call me is up 2u as long as its not papa ___ or 'tomato jos' or 'jollof rice' Anyway, I'm sure u'll be too posh for that!
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The Fish Brains - GIRLS
Ok. I couldnt find a more attracting title for this. But seriously,
More often than not, you meet a young Nigerian babe in her early twenties and the only thing on her mind is “God please take away all this stupid, ‘yeye’, small boys from my path and bless me with a fine man, senior partner in shell
or chevron any one would do, a nice house in lekki, phase I or phase II or even banana island am not too picky, with a master’s degree , well mature,
grown and not on a ‘junior boy level’
“ .ARE YOU KIDDING ME !?
There is a real good reason God hasn’t answered your prayers. Are you Mrs. Right do you think you are ready for a man who is set for
life a man who has accomplished the “Nigerian dream” a man who can die happy. You need to assess yourself and ask “can I really handle a MR RIGHT?”
Supposing you pray to God a million and one times a day for the perfect man and God being the merciful lord that he is grants you the perfect man, the whole package a man who would take you shopping and say “baby go
crazy with my credit card” a man
who would love you beyond life itself and you are Mrs. Carp, you are whinny, immature, arrogant, illiterate and every other thing that can possible be wrong
with a young woman. What happens next? Mr. Right leaves you, find Mrs. Maybe and you are left all alone, cursing at the world asking God why he didn’t give you Mr. Right, well he gave you Mr.
Right but were you ready? That is the real question.
As a young woman trying to find a man, you need to specify what you want with discretion. You don’t need a man with 3 houses, or a mansion.
Why are you asking God for a man with a private jet? Can you fly one? And why on earth are you asking for somebody that has
an island?? Most girls ask “why do you want me to lower my values to find a
man?” Girl, that one is not values oh! Or standards, that one is corporate theft because “Na thief you be!“.
I mean If you are young, in college and you are not dying any time soon, you need to be asking for a guy that would love you, support you, help you advance intellectually, am talking about a guy you can grow with , not the one that you would have to tip toe around because you guys are not comfortable around each other , a type of guy that the two of you can see movies, go clubbing and share significant time for each other , and you never know Mr. right now, may eventually turn to Mr. right. But if you Get a more mature and let’s say a perfect guy , that has a full- time job , works from 9am to 9pm, is always in one conference or the other , but loves you all the same , is stupidly rich and spends all the money on you . he is right up there and you are so low compared to his maturity, as a young woman you will feel that you are well equipped to handle such a relationship but you are wrong, you are to have the emotionally immature to keep up with such a relationship. Of course he is eventually going to leave you because you are a mooch , he is not gaining anything from you and there are
millions of more mature women that have earned themselves a ‘perfect’ man like him . You need to STOP looking for the wrong thing in a man and the Wrong man would STOP finding you. You hear a lot of women using the same phrase “guys around my age are too young for me” but then if you see a guy you that is ‘omo baba olowo’ (has a rich parent) he suddenly becomes you
ideal man. You need to look for peoplewho have ambition, and a means of attaining their goals. But on the other
hand if you a looking for a ‘Maga’ find Maga now, let him pay your way through college and buy you the flashiest things, but remember, you can’t eat your cake and have it, would ‘maga’ marry you?, ‘boys don dey sharp up’, be rest assured that he is using you as much as you are using him. So girls do you self a service, work hard for your money and work hard for the type of man you want to end up with. Once you’ve laid the right foundation it doesn’t take too long to get what you want. Don’t wait for anybody to give you what you can get yourself, Grow up with your man, and when you’ve reached a level where you feel he is becoming stagnant or has no passion then you can move of to man who has earned you, but if he is at your pace, the love is there and you guys have so much fun, then what are you looking for Mr. right for? , When he is right in front of you. Now he might be Mr. “please pick your underwear from the floor” or Mr. “why won’t you raise the toilet seat before you pee” but when you have a good man who is growing and maturing with you with time he would definitely be MR. RIGHT.
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Another True Life Story
I placed my hand under my pillow to get my phone, it was just 2:45 a.m and my sister’s cackle had once again woken me up for the fifth consecutive time this week. I hardly gota good night rest because of her. There were 2 extra bedrooms in the house but dad still made me stay with her and he made us share the same bed. Listening to her talk was agonizing, worst off is listeningto her talk dirty to her boyfriend over the phone, saying obscene words my 14-year-old ears should not hear, not that I haven’t heard or used the words before. Common I am 14 years and I attend a boarding school.I know sitting beside a girl won’t get her pregnant, kissing a girl won’t get her pregnant cause I have done that and I know for sure that wearing a condom before sex won’t get a girl pregnant but that I haven’t tested.
I scream out loud “Enitan would you just shut up, I will soon be back in school, let meenjoy my remaining days at home.” She kicks me and tells me to shut it. It’s so annoying that I can’t beat her. I can handle her, I am fairly big in size and she is petite even though her age says otherwise. I pull out the second pillow from under her teddy and use it to cover my left ear while I place my right ear on my pillow. I tried thinking ofsomething pleasant that would put me backto sleep but her incessant laughter kept on interfering with my perfect reverie. My minddrifted off to the event that happened between my sister and her so-called boyfriend of one month that claims he lovesher and she loves him back. I still wonder how a 20-year-old could be so daft.
It was about 3 weeks ago that my dad cameback home to find one of the notorious locals humping my sister, my dad was livid about it but he didn’t show so much fuss, he only made it clear that he didn’t want to see his daughter with the boy again. “He is useless, a good for nothing, a bad seed and if you are not careful the evil in him will seep into this family insidiously.” That’s all he said after he pursued the boy away. He laid more of the blame on me than he did on her, asking me questions and yelling at me. I understood why he did so.
It wasn’t up to a week later that I came in with dad and met this same useless boy, pants down deep throating my sister. They didn’t even have the common courtesy to bemore discreet about it. Thank God she still had her pant on, seeing as her skirt had come off, I was not so sure if they had doneit that time but as no one was sweating andthe condom was still in the pack on the floor, I could only assume that my sister’s virginity was saved by the bell. The church bell my father forgot to carry along. A coincidence I suppose. He was a new member of a church that believed in bells asan effective means of communicating with God. I still don’t get why he changed church,I think he is looking for a church were prayers are answered, this was the 4 th timehe was changing church in the last 2 years. My mum would always say “stay in your church and exercise patience, one day the lord will answer your prayers.” My dad believed otherwise. Mum was a strong Anglican.
We have taken Enitan to different psychiatrists but there has been no improvement, it has been 2 years since the event and dad is desperate for help. I always have to watch after Enitan when I am on break and that is why we share the same bed and room. I am thinking of dropping out of boarding school to take better care of her, I can always attend one of the local day schools. Her life is a complete sham and she lacks every bit of common sense, she can’t differentiate left from right, her mood swings are terrible and she constantly has nightmares. She has quit school and no longer has an iota of hope. She has attempted suicide twice but dad foiled the attempts. Her useless boyfriend is just taking advantage of her and it annoys me to pieces, sometimes I wish I could slap her out of her misery and into reality but her brain is already toasted. Ipity my dad to, he has to bear all the brunt.
I hear Enitan sobbing, I stand up from my corner on the bed and whisper calming words into her ears, I pat her on the back until she falls asleep. My name is Rotimi Samuel Ifesowapo and I am my elder sister’skeeper.
This story was not meant for your amusement. It is meant for you to provide help. TRUE STORY
I scream out loud “Enitan would you just shut up, I will soon be back in school, let meenjoy my remaining days at home.” She kicks me and tells me to shut it. It’s so annoying that I can’t beat her. I can handle her, I am fairly big in size and she is petite even though her age says otherwise. I pull out the second pillow from under her teddy and use it to cover my left ear while I place my right ear on my pillow. I tried thinking ofsomething pleasant that would put me backto sleep but her incessant laughter kept on interfering with my perfect reverie. My minddrifted off to the event that happened between my sister and her so-called boyfriend of one month that claims he lovesher and she loves him back. I still wonder how a 20-year-old could be so daft.
It was about 3 weeks ago that my dad cameback home to find one of the notorious locals humping my sister, my dad was livid about it but he didn’t show so much fuss, he only made it clear that he didn’t want to see his daughter with the boy again. “He is useless, a good for nothing, a bad seed and if you are not careful the evil in him will seep into this family insidiously.” That’s all he said after he pursued the boy away. He laid more of the blame on me than he did on her, asking me questions and yelling at me. I understood why he did so.
It wasn’t up to a week later that I came in with dad and met this same useless boy, pants down deep throating my sister. They didn’t even have the common courtesy to bemore discreet about it. Thank God she still had her pant on, seeing as her skirt had come off, I was not so sure if they had doneit that time but as no one was sweating andthe condom was still in the pack on the floor, I could only assume that my sister’s virginity was saved by the bell. The church bell my father forgot to carry along. A coincidence I suppose. He was a new member of a church that believed in bells asan effective means of communicating with God. I still don’t get why he changed church,I think he is looking for a church were prayers are answered, this was the 4 th timehe was changing church in the last 2 years. My mum would always say “stay in your church and exercise patience, one day the lord will answer your prayers.” My dad believed otherwise. Mum was a strong Anglican.
We have taken Enitan to different psychiatrists but there has been no improvement, it has been 2 years since the event and dad is desperate for help. I always have to watch after Enitan when I am on break and that is why we share the same bed and room. I am thinking of dropping out of boarding school to take better care of her, I can always attend one of the local day schools. Her life is a complete sham and she lacks every bit of common sense, she can’t differentiate left from right, her mood swings are terrible and she constantly has nightmares. She has quit school and no longer has an iota of hope. She has attempted suicide twice but dad foiled the attempts. Her useless boyfriend is just taking advantage of her and it annoys me to pieces, sometimes I wish I could slap her out of her misery and into reality but her brain is already toasted. Ipity my dad to, he has to bear all the brunt.
I hear Enitan sobbing, I stand up from my corner on the bed and whisper calming words into her ears, I pat her on the back until she falls asleep. My name is Rotimi Samuel Ifesowapo and I am my elder sister’skeeper.
This story was not meant for your amusement. It is meant for you to provide help. TRUE STORY
The Love Of My Life - The Most ''Beautifulest'' In The World!
Her existence in my life has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. As a very appreciative individual, I decided to finally introduce this blessing to the whole world, and give her the appropriate adoration due. She has been my backbone, and supported me through thick and thin.
She never for once forsook me during my trials and tribulations. She wipes away my tears like the “Wiper” of my pops car, and brightens my world. She’s indeed God’s very own “engineer”and more like the blueprint to my destiny. So many times have I tried going astray, but she “Steers” me right back into the right direction. She also never hesitates to put me in a complete “Halt” when I fumble; her no-nonsense attitude is something you have no choice but respect.
She takes me for whom I am, and sees my vision clearly more than I can ever envision. There’s nothing as enticing and appealing as a strong willed, self focused woman; someone like a “Japanese” gymnast in the Olympics. Her tenacity is close too none. When I act silly and nonchalant, she puts my behind right in “Check.” When we have our intellectual talks, her “Head and Eyes” yields so much light capable of leading a path in the dark.
Speaking of head, man I tell you, her head game is bananas. Shawty goes hard, you will think she graduated from Cambridge University, but she was raised in the streets… My chick is so welcoming and down to earth. Ma can definitely throw down in the kitchen. She never messes with her domestic chores too, and gets slightly irritated when she finds dirt on her “Leather Couch.”
She knows how to hold me down tight, and gives me that motivation as described by Kelly Rowland. She’s the best I have ever had, if you know what I mean…
Swag is a word I despise and annoys the crap out of me, but she’s the epitome of that word and much more. We compliment each other well like Jigga & Bey or Barack & Michelle. The funny thing is, she got just “2 pairs of shoes,” unlike other females with shoes addiction, but she manages hers very well through all four seasons. Like every other relationships, we have our conflicting times, which happens at least “once in three months,” but when I take her for a little spa treatment which in return rejuvenates her body and soul, she returns to her happy self.
She has been a target and victim of hate, envy, and discrimination, but she still stands firm and keeps her head up high through the “Accidents.” A lot of crooks tried “Stealing” her away from me, but she realizes no one will ever love her like I do.
I love my baby, that’s my baby, and I will treat my baby right, hold my baby tight. She is my “Baby Girl!” ''MY MUM''
*_*
She never for once forsook me during my trials and tribulations. She wipes away my tears like the “Wiper” of my pops car, and brightens my world. She’s indeed God’s very own “engineer”and more like the blueprint to my destiny. So many times have I tried going astray, but she “Steers” me right back into the right direction. She also never hesitates to put me in a complete “Halt” when I fumble; her no-nonsense attitude is something you have no choice but respect.
She takes me for whom I am, and sees my vision clearly more than I can ever envision. There’s nothing as enticing and appealing as a strong willed, self focused woman; someone like a “Japanese” gymnast in the Olympics. Her tenacity is close too none. When I act silly and nonchalant, she puts my behind right in “Check.” When we have our intellectual talks, her “Head and Eyes” yields so much light capable of leading a path in the dark.
Speaking of head, man I tell you, her head game is bananas. Shawty goes hard, you will think she graduated from Cambridge University, but she was raised in the streets… My chick is so welcoming and down to earth. Ma can definitely throw down in the kitchen. She never messes with her domestic chores too, and gets slightly irritated when she finds dirt on her “Leather Couch.”
She knows how to hold me down tight, and gives me that motivation as described by Kelly Rowland. She’s the best I have ever had, if you know what I mean…
Swag is a word I despise and annoys the crap out of me, but she’s the epitome of that word and much more. We compliment each other well like Jigga & Bey or Barack & Michelle. The funny thing is, she got just “2 pairs of shoes,” unlike other females with shoes addiction, but she manages hers very well through all four seasons. Like every other relationships, we have our conflicting times, which happens at least “once in three months,” but when I take her for a little spa treatment which in return rejuvenates her body and soul, she returns to her happy self.
She has been a target and victim of hate, envy, and discrimination, but she still stands firm and keeps her head up high through the “Accidents.” A lot of crooks tried “Stealing” her away from me, but she realizes no one will ever love her like I do.
I love my baby, that’s my baby, and I will treat my baby right, hold my baby tight. She is my “Baby Girl!” ''MY MUM''
*_*
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