Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts
I, The Okada Man and His Girl-Friend
....... Hendrix, I’m inviting you to my fellowship” she said. “Trust me; it’s going to be worthwhile”.
How the hell was I supposed to refuse such an invitation? Dolly was too fine. The girl set die…., In fact she was “Mmuuaa!!!” and I had been trying to get with her.
Now, the chemistry between Dolly and I was as mutual as it could be. In a nutshell, it was a bit like…….ok, Mutual chemistry? Check, Physical attraction? Check and then Religious compatibility? No check. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like she was a Muslim and I a Christian. In fact, we were/are both Christians.
But you see, the wahala come be say this girl was a Jehovah’s Witness. I’m not saying I dislike or hate Jehovah’s witnesses, no; but if you know these lots well, you’ll agree with me that they have some of the strictest “living righteous” rules/guidelines ever made.
Their views and outlook on life have never been mine at all. I digress, but apologies if I’m being judgmental however.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that babes said “NO” a lot to a lot of things. “Oh no I’m not supposed to do that with you, you’re not a witness”. In fact me sef tire for the girl. She gave me the impression that all I had to do was show just a hint of commitment to her faith and then she’d loosen up on the “NO”s. Trust me na. “Yes, yes, I’ll be there”.
On this Sunday, I got ready and told my friends I was going to church. Of course I didn’t tell them I was going to a Kingdom hall for fear of becoming a subject of mockery, as they were Catholics who had always invited me to tag along with them to which I had always objected. So anyways, I set off and proceeded to board an okada to the address. Na here the drama come happen o! It wasn’t until we were about 15 minutes into the journey that it dawned on me that the okada man I had boarded his bike was drunk as a horse.
Suddenly, I had started to smell alcohol in his clothes, and his riding was no different to the riding style in that matrix movie. “E don happen” I said to myself. We had gotten to a point where it was inevitable to abort the journey and there was just nothing I could do about it. So I sat there patiently, with my heart in my hand, while bros had a blast diving into potholes at a very uncomfortable speed, obviously testing out his newly fixed shock absorbers. “All these wahala na because I wan impress woman abi?”
As we went along, I noticed we were going into a very remote area, and I started to feel really uneasy. “Bros you sure say na the church you dey carry me go so?” I asked, and his reply almost threw me off the bike. “Oga we dey go my girlfriend house”.
Now, at this time, it was 9.45 a.m. and I was supposed to be at the service at 9.00 a.m. I was livid. “Akpos!!” as I later learnt was his name, “wetin we dey go do for your girlfriend house?” “Oga sorry sir…… just gimme 2 minutes, we go comot now now abeg”. Before I could get Akpos to change his course and take me to my destination, Akpos had turned off his motorcycle. Whether I liked it or not we were at Akpos’s girlfriends place o! See film!!
It turned out Akpos had come to settle a score with his girlfriend who had caught him having an affair and had moved out of his house, just after trashing it. “She dey crase” he yelled. “How she go scatter my house, break my TV, burn all my clothes……” I stood there in total disbelief at what was unfolding before my eyes. All I simply wanted on that Sunday was to wake up, get dressed and impress Dolly by honoring her invitation to her church, but there I was at Akpos’s girlfriends place, forced to take on the problems of two complete strangers.
2 minutes turned into an hour, and to make matters worse, I became a mediator. I couldn’t believe myself. I had to say or do something just so we could hurry up and get me out of there. This was comedy at its very best. Well, Akpos and his girlfriend exchanged insults for the next 45 minutes and at this point, it became apparent that there was no way I was going to make the service, and so I resigned to these strangers and just stood there while they entertained me.
Eventually, when both parties had run out of nothings to say to each other, I asked Akpos take me back to where he had picked me up.
“Hendrix, welcome back….how was your service?” my friends asked. “Ah! It was fine o! In fact it was the most fulfilling service ever” Before nko? How was I to tell them I spent the day with Akpos and his girlfriend instead of the in the church I had earlier told them I was going to?
Plus I had to prepare a very convincing excuse for Dolly. Some weeks later I was going somewhere when I bumped into Akpos again at the same bike stand. I was surprised he recognised me. “Oga how far na? Oga come make we go”. When he saw that I was obviously avoiding him, he came over and said “Oga come make I carry you go… no worry, me and my babe don settle”.
I said “we bless God o! But no thank you”.
How the hell was I supposed to refuse such an invitation? Dolly was too fine. The girl set die…., In fact she was “Mmuuaa!!!” and I had been trying to get with her.
Now, the chemistry between Dolly and I was as mutual as it could be. In a nutshell, it was a bit like…….ok, Mutual chemistry? Check, Physical attraction? Check and then Religious compatibility? No check. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like she was a Muslim and I a Christian. In fact, we were/are both Christians.
But you see, the wahala come be say this girl was a Jehovah’s Witness. I’m not saying I dislike or hate Jehovah’s witnesses, no; but if you know these lots well, you’ll agree with me that they have some of the strictest “living righteous” rules/guidelines ever made.
Their views and outlook on life have never been mine at all. I digress, but apologies if I’m being judgmental however.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that babes said “NO” a lot to a lot of things. “Oh no I’m not supposed to do that with you, you’re not a witness”. In fact me sef tire for the girl. She gave me the impression that all I had to do was show just a hint of commitment to her faith and then she’d loosen up on the “NO”s. Trust me na. “Yes, yes, I’ll be there”.
On this Sunday, I got ready and told my friends I was going to church. Of course I didn’t tell them I was going to a Kingdom hall for fear of becoming a subject of mockery, as they were Catholics who had always invited me to tag along with them to which I had always objected. So anyways, I set off and proceeded to board an okada to the address. Na here the drama come happen o! It wasn’t until we were about 15 minutes into the journey that it dawned on me that the okada man I had boarded his bike was drunk as a horse.
Suddenly, I had started to smell alcohol in his clothes, and his riding was no different to the riding style in that matrix movie. “E don happen” I said to myself. We had gotten to a point where it was inevitable to abort the journey and there was just nothing I could do about it. So I sat there patiently, with my heart in my hand, while bros had a blast diving into potholes at a very uncomfortable speed, obviously testing out his newly fixed shock absorbers. “All these wahala na because I wan impress woman abi?”
As we went along, I noticed we were going into a very remote area, and I started to feel really uneasy. “Bros you sure say na the church you dey carry me go so?” I asked, and his reply almost threw me off the bike. “Oga we dey go my girlfriend house”.
Now, at this time, it was 9.45 a.m. and I was supposed to be at the service at 9.00 a.m. I was livid. “Akpos!!” as I later learnt was his name, “wetin we dey go do for your girlfriend house?” “Oga sorry sir…… just gimme 2 minutes, we go comot now now abeg”. Before I could get Akpos to change his course and take me to my destination, Akpos had turned off his motorcycle. Whether I liked it or not we were at Akpos’s girlfriends place o! See film!!
It turned out Akpos had come to settle a score with his girlfriend who had caught him having an affair and had moved out of his house, just after trashing it. “She dey crase” he yelled. “How she go scatter my house, break my TV, burn all my clothes……” I stood there in total disbelief at what was unfolding before my eyes. All I simply wanted on that Sunday was to wake up, get dressed and impress Dolly by honoring her invitation to her church, but there I was at Akpos’s girlfriends place, forced to take on the problems of two complete strangers.
2 minutes turned into an hour, and to make matters worse, I became a mediator. I couldn’t believe myself. I had to say or do something just so we could hurry up and get me out of there. This was comedy at its very best. Well, Akpos and his girlfriend exchanged insults for the next 45 minutes and at this point, it became apparent that there was no way I was going to make the service, and so I resigned to these strangers and just stood there while they entertained me.
Eventually, when both parties had run out of nothings to say to each other, I asked Akpos take me back to where he had picked me up.
“Hendrix, welcome back….how was your service?” my friends asked. “Ah! It was fine o! In fact it was the most fulfilling service ever” Before nko? How was I to tell them I spent the day with Akpos and his girlfriend instead of the in the church I had earlier told them I was going to?
Plus I had to prepare a very convincing excuse for Dolly. Some weeks later I was going somewhere when I bumped into Akpos again at the same bike stand. I was surprised he recognised me. “Oga how far na? Oga come make we go”. When he saw that I was obviously avoiding him, he came over and said “Oga come make I carry you go… no worry, me and my babe don settle”.
I said “we bless God o! But no thank you”.
I Am Now Convinced That I Am Going To Die Single.
I am now convinced that I am going to die single.
Growing up, I had been tutored to have high demands when it came to women. I was encouraged not to ‘settle’. So, as early as JSS3, I had made up my list of requirements. Whoever would be my main squeeze had to have the following exact characteristics:
1) Pretty face. Females who were ogres in their former lives were advised to stay far. Very far.
2) Hot figure. Something of a mix between Eva Longoria and Beyonce.
3) Height. Pygmies not welcome.
4) Fair complexion. This particular idiosyncrasy was handed down from Dad: you should see my mother.
5) Who doesn't want for himself some mammary?
But you see, dear readers, I met her during my first year of university. She had all but number 4. Her chocolate complexion was exquisite. I fell in lust instantly..... she dumped me after I farted in bed.(T'wld have been better if she had dumped me cos of this reason)
Anyway, I had then realised that I could date dark chicks. Awesome. Then I met another her(maybe we'll just call her "her2) who kind of looked like a bimbo. However, she was missing numbers 3 and 4.
Our relationship went down the drain after she caught me ogling at her mother. What? Don’t judge. The woman had all 5! But she also had her blasted husband’s stupid wedding ring. Aaaaargh…(another worse case senerio I wld have agreed to be dumped for)
It all went downhill from there. Her3, while of average height, was shaped like a pedestrian bridge: straight and narrow.
Her4(you should get it from this point) made me rethink item 5. She put the ‘2’ in too much. The Jews could have hidden from Hitler’s Nazis in her cleavage!
Recently, I finally let go of my precepts. I made but one new rule: conversation. I wanted a woman I could talk to. All my friends lauded the new and improved me. I had indeed matured, they all said.
And so I happened upon Her5. She was a colleague at school. And – you guessed it – she had all five. Plus, she was single. How ironic that I should meet the girl of my dreams AFTER I’d contrived to trash those prerequisite.
I’d only seen her a few times when she came to our faculty and… my oh my: she was stunning! First she was half caste, and then her figure was to die for. On top of that, she was at least 5feet 10inches.
I once snuck a peek while she was talking to a friend of mine (another colleague). I couldn’t make out what she was saying from where I stood but I figured she must be a pretty powerful orator because Clinton clearly had tears in his eyes. Amazing! What could make such a macho man cry? If my curiosity was piqued before,
I was nearing obsession by now. It seemed my search was finally over. I couldn’t wait to meet Her and have terrific conversations with this intelligent, hot girl.
My chance came soon enough.
One day, I spotted her at an eatery my colleagues and I frequented during lunch breaks. I was about to order when our eyes clashed. I ignored the attendant and walked over to where she sat.
“Hi”, I started, “my name is Chris and I’ve been dying to meet you.” By the time she was done replying, I was weeping like Clinton. She said:
“Hello Chris. I’m Ingrid. Let me start by apologising. I have a birth defect which accounts for my incurable, tear inducing halitosis…” I wiped my face without bothering to hear more and trudged back to the counter.
See why I wrote the first line?
Growing up, I had been tutored to have high demands when it came to women. I was encouraged not to ‘settle’. So, as early as JSS3, I had made up my list of requirements. Whoever would be my main squeeze had to have the following exact characteristics:
1) Pretty face. Females who were ogres in their former lives were advised to stay far. Very far.
2) Hot figure. Something of a mix between Eva Longoria and Beyonce.
3) Height. Pygmies not welcome.
4) Fair complexion. This particular idiosyncrasy was handed down from Dad: you should see my mother.
5) Who doesn't want for himself some mammary?
But you see, dear readers, I met her during my first year of university. She had all but number 4. Her chocolate complexion was exquisite. I fell in lust instantly..... she dumped me after I farted in bed.(T'wld have been better if she had dumped me cos of this reason)
Anyway, I had then realised that I could date dark chicks. Awesome. Then I met another her(maybe we'll just call her "her2) who kind of looked like a bimbo. However, she was missing numbers 3 and 4.
Our relationship went down the drain after she caught me ogling at her mother. What? Don’t judge. The woman had all 5! But she also had her blasted husband’s stupid wedding ring. Aaaaargh…(another worse case senerio I wld have agreed to be dumped for)
It all went downhill from there. Her3, while of average height, was shaped like a pedestrian bridge: straight and narrow.
Her4(you should get it from this point) made me rethink item 5. She put the ‘2’ in too much. The Jews could have hidden from Hitler’s Nazis in her cleavage!
Recently, I finally let go of my precepts. I made but one new rule: conversation. I wanted a woman I could talk to. All my friends lauded the new and improved me. I had indeed matured, they all said.
And so I happened upon Her5. She was a colleague at school. And – you guessed it – she had all five. Plus, she was single. How ironic that I should meet the girl of my dreams AFTER I’d contrived to trash those prerequisite.
I’d only seen her a few times when she came to our faculty and… my oh my: she was stunning! First she was half caste, and then her figure was to die for. On top of that, she was at least 5feet 10inches.
I once snuck a peek while she was talking to a friend of mine (another colleague). I couldn’t make out what she was saying from where I stood but I figured she must be a pretty powerful orator because Clinton clearly had tears in his eyes. Amazing! What could make such a macho man cry? If my curiosity was piqued before,
I was nearing obsession by now. It seemed my search was finally over. I couldn’t wait to meet Her and have terrific conversations with this intelligent, hot girl.
My chance came soon enough.
One day, I spotted her at an eatery my colleagues and I frequented during lunch breaks. I was about to order when our eyes clashed. I ignored the attendant and walked over to where she sat.
“Hi”, I started, “my name is Chris and I’ve been dying to meet you.” By the time she was done replying, I was weeping like Clinton. She said:
“Hello Chris. I’m Ingrid. Let me start by apologising. I have a birth defect which accounts for my incurable, tear inducing halitosis…” I wiped my face without bothering to hear more and trudged back to the counter.
See why I wrote the first line?
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry using MTN NIGERIA.
How I Got My First Kiss
I’m writing this with the hope that a part of it will make sense at the end of the day but if it ends up making no sense, please forgive me.
While waiting for my mum & younger sis to tidy up their facelift, random thoughts kept crossing my mind and for some reason I started thinking about my first kiss.
I know some people reading this had their first kiss planned while some of you cannot even remember their first kiss.
Talking about kisses, I’m still trying to understand the logic behind -
“ I’ll rather sleep with you than kiss you ”
- as preached by some ladies. I can understand your first kiss but not that it would be easier to get wet, smash Okafor and very difficult to exchange less than a teaspoon of saliva with him. Some say-
‘ kissing is very emotional ’ and sex isn’t??
- Anyways, let’s get back to rambling about my first kiss and how special it was. Growing up was an endless party featuring a long list of father's brother uncle aunty child (you get the picture) coming to stay with us most times for holiday before they eventually turn out to be permanent resident house helps.... Edom (due to privacy we'll call her Edom. I think you'll get the picture clearly if we paint her as calabar) played the lead role.
I can’t remember the entire "house helps" by name but Edom’s name will forever be etched in my memory as the young girl with boobs the size of pawpaw cultivated in a very fertile land in Isele-uku.
Each house help came, stayed for a while and left but Edom stayed the longest.
I didn’t know much about boobs then but most men in my neighbourhood had special interest in Edom but instead of returning same to them, Edom was very interested in me.
It all started a certain night, I was sleeping in the living room when Edom came to wake me so she could take me back to my room but when she realised that we were the only people in the living room, Edom brought her boobs, put it in my mouth and asked me to suck on them one after the other. I didn’t see anything wrong in that so it continued and with the promise of biscuit treats (Not Hob Nobs) and Coke(yes that's why I'm an addict) it became an almost every day affair.
Edom used my mouth on her boobs so much that I used to dream of them boobs at night. I didn’t complain to anybody because in my young eyes I didn’t see anything wrong with it and I also did not want to stop the flow of the extra biscuits and coke.
Please before I digress any further, this is a story about my first kiss and not boobs.
Where did I stop again?
Ehen. So in some cases, I will purposely stay back in the living room so that Edom can come get me and give the usual dose of boobs before taking me to my room to sleep. Everything was special until one weekend when my parents travelled to isele-uku and left us in the care of Edom. Unlike other days, Edom asked my younger ones to go to bed early and when she returned from putting my younger ones to bed. She said we were going to try something totally different. (To Be Continued)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
,
,
.
.
,
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hahahahahaha I kid....okay sorry....
That night, instead of asking me to suck on her, she asked me to use my fingers to twist her nipples like a knob and that was when it happened. Edom, grabbed me by my head and stuck her entire tongue down my throat. Looking back now, it wasn’t the best first kiss but it was my first kiss.
I know you are wondering if we stopped at kissing, well, someday I’ll share my first time. Feel free to share your first time with us in the comment box.
PS: If you lack a sense of humour... PLEASE Regard The Above Story AS PURLY FICTIONAL!!!
While waiting for my mum & younger sis to tidy up their facelift, random thoughts kept crossing my mind and for some reason I started thinking about my first kiss.
I know some people reading this had their first kiss planned while some of you cannot even remember their first kiss.
Talking about kisses, I’m still trying to understand the logic behind -
“ I’ll rather sleep with you than kiss you ”
- as preached by some ladies. I can understand your first kiss but not that it would be easier to get wet, smash Okafor and very difficult to exchange less than a teaspoon of saliva with him. Some say-
‘ kissing is very emotional ’ and sex isn’t??
- Anyways, let’s get back to rambling about my first kiss and how special it was. Growing up was an endless party featuring a long list of father's brother uncle aunty child (you get the picture) coming to stay with us most times for holiday before they eventually turn out to be permanent resident house helps.... Edom (due to privacy we'll call her Edom. I think you'll get the picture clearly if we paint her as calabar) played the lead role.
I can’t remember the entire "house helps" by name but Edom’s name will forever be etched in my memory as the young girl with boobs the size of pawpaw cultivated in a very fertile land in Isele-uku.
Each house help came, stayed for a while and left but Edom stayed the longest.
I didn’t know much about boobs then but most men in my neighbourhood had special interest in Edom but instead of returning same to them, Edom was very interested in me.
It all started a certain night, I was sleeping in the living room when Edom came to wake me so she could take me back to my room but when she realised that we were the only people in the living room, Edom brought her boobs, put it in my mouth and asked me to suck on them one after the other. I didn’t see anything wrong in that so it continued and with the promise of biscuit treats (Not Hob Nobs) and Coke(yes that's why I'm an addict) it became an almost every day affair.
Edom used my mouth on her boobs so much that I used to dream of them boobs at night. I didn’t complain to anybody because in my young eyes I didn’t see anything wrong with it and I also did not want to stop the flow of the extra biscuits and coke.
Please before I digress any further, this is a story about my first kiss and not boobs.
Where did I stop again?
Ehen. So in some cases, I will purposely stay back in the living room so that Edom can come get me and give the usual dose of boobs before taking me to my room to sleep. Everything was special until one weekend when my parents travelled to isele-uku and left us in the care of Edom. Unlike other days, Edom asked my younger ones to go to bed early and when she returned from putting my younger ones to bed. She said we were going to try something totally different. (To Be Continued)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
,
,
.
.
,
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hahahahahaha I kid....okay sorry....
That night, instead of asking me to suck on her, she asked me to use my fingers to twist her nipples like a knob and that was when it happened. Edom, grabbed me by my head and stuck her entire tongue down my throat. Looking back now, it wasn’t the best first kiss but it was my first kiss.
I know you are wondering if we stopped at kissing, well, someday I’ll share my first time. Feel free to share your first time with us in the comment box.
PS: If you lack a sense of humour... PLEASE Regard The Above Story AS PURLY FICTIONAL!!!
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry using Airtel Nigeria.
My Sugar Mummy and I: The Envelope [pt 2}
I was at home that night, thinking of how great the day was and then I remembered the envelope Mrs. Y gave me. As I turned to reach out for my trousers, my phone rang and it was Teni
“ How are you handsome, So are you thinking of me? ”
“ I am ” (I had to lie cos I was actually thinking of her mum) “ …was thinking how soon I can undress, explore and plant my flag on you ”
“ Naughty boy ” she said as she chuckled, ” I have a boyfriend you know?! ”
“ You should! Does that disturb anything cos I wo.. ” she cut me off before I could finish the sentence
“ Doesn’t matter. How soon can we meet up before I head for school this weekend?…plsssss ”
“ Ok fine. Where are you suggesting? My house? Yours? Where? ” I quickly spelled out
“ Your house tomorrow at 12pm. Send me the address, and I’ll bring us what to eat…Watchu think about that? ”
“ That’s fine but….are we gonna..em..u know? So I’d know whether to work out overnight ”
“ A little push up will do… ”she said while laughing
“ See ya then, I’ll BB u the address now…Oops u don’t have a blackberry, I’ll send you a text then ”
“ Because of u, I’ll buy a BB… nonsense boy,bye jor ”
Just then I remembered the envelope. Just as I reached for the envelope inside the trousers, my phone rang again. I thought it was Teni again,only to find out it was her mum
“Hello Ma. I was just about to call you but couldn’t find credit anywhere”
“ I’m good. I’ll send you some credit in the morning ok? Just wanted to thank you for today and I hope this continues safely between us. I hope the money isn’t too small? ”
…I was thinking, why do they always say that? Not like I can answer that it is too small!
“ I haven’t even opened it ma, but I was just about to when you called. Thank you ma. I had fun today ”
“No problem dear. Don’t worry about calling me, I’ll do the calling ok? and pls no texts! We have to play safe here because my kids use my phone at anytime, so if you need to reach me, beep me and I’ll call you back. Take care of yourself and help yourself with some pain relievers and don’t try to act strong cos you need it”
We both laughed and she dropped the line.
This is insane. Am I going nuts? Is this really happening? Then I remembered the envelope and on checking out the contents, it was thirty thousand naira in clean mint thousand naira notes. Woow! It’s like the economic crunch didn’t hit some people. It’s not like the thirty thousand was a big deal (i hear most of y’all say hell it is!), but after meeting her just today, we had sex and I’m being paid thirty thousand naira? I’d let y’all do the maths.
Just then my phone rang just again. It was my mum calling me from the other end of the house (I stay in the BQ) that someone was at the gate. So I put aside the money and headed to see who the person was. In this rain? Who could it be? As I got outside, I asked who the person was before opening the gate(you cant be too careful in Lagos),then i heard a female voice saying “ It’s me Temi ”
What?! Did I hear her right? As I opened the door to confirm it, there was my worst fear come to pass. There she was, drenched in rain and up in tears, all she could mumble out after parting her rain drenched hair off her face was “Please I need you now. Please don’t turn me away…I cant go home..not now!…can I pass the night here please?”
I was scratching out solutions outta my head and asked her to come in, head down to the BQ whilst I go make an explanation to my parents about who was at the gate and probably get my food and some female clothings for her (Belinda, I’m sorry I had to borrow some of your clothes). I told my parents,some stranger was lost and I was giving him directions and then went on to meet her.
“ What happened? Did you have a fight with your mum? ” I asked.
“ No! I am coming from my boyfriend’s house with whom I was supposed to spend two days and caught him sleeping with someone else and he told me the bitch is his fiancée and sent me out like trash and asked me not to ruin his marriage plans. He called me a spoilt brat and so many other ridiculous names as I strolled out of his house ”
“But how did you get where I live? Have you been here before?”
“ No, I logged in with Teni’s account on facebook to look for your contact details but I did not see anything till I checked your profile on your blogsite and found it ”
I quickly added “ Why me? Dont you have any other friends? I’m 22 you know? And I still play by my parent’s rule. I could get in trouble if they knew you were here ”
“ We don’t have much friends except in school and you are the only person I could think of ”
“ Ok, fine! Get outta those wet clothes and lets eat. Guess I’m stuck with you for the night. Do you do playstations or you’d facebook on the laptop? There’s not much to do around here. ”
“ How can I thank you? Thank you very much ” as she started changing her clothes in front of me.
“Hey?! Watchu doing? I’m here you know?”
She managed a smile and said “ I wish I wasn’t on my period ”
I pondered on what that was supposed to mean. It could mean only one thing… might she wanna? nah? Could it be she’s in…? Couldn’t be. What was I thinking? Of course she wont mind having sex with me, its a cold night (who doesn’t need one on nights like this) and just then I asked her “ Have you ever had sex on your period?…not like I wanna…u get what I mean? ”
She shocked me by saying “ No, but I’ve always wanted to try that ”
Without further questions, I stood up and she came closer and then we kissed so passionately that it went for 15 minutes and then kissing down to her neck as she knelt down to lay on the mattress pushing away the playstaion pad and laptop gently to the side. She carefully removed her pad laden pant and she blew me out (literally as in wow and figuratively as in a blow job). She was the best and I could have returned the favour then I remembered she was actually on her period. I handed over the condom to her to signal it’s time for the real deal. She professionally slipped one of those expensive condoms you save for girls like this (I mean she didn’t look like a gold circle girl)
She started riding me like a jockey and I was pitying her poor boyfriend amidst the fun for letting her go and as I came, my dad beeped me. It was time to put off the generator. I noticed she still had more in her and I told her to reserve it till I come back and just managed a chuckle as she turned to her side.
Did not know NEPA (or PHCN) had brought the light for over thirty minutes and I quickly went to change the switch and on getting back, Temi was fast asleep. I stood staring at her, “Why would anyone ditch a girl like this?” As I lay beside her I felt something on the bed, it was the envelope…THE ENVELOPE!!
“ How are you handsome, So are you thinking of me? ”
“ I am ” (I had to lie cos I was actually thinking of her mum) “ …was thinking how soon I can undress, explore and plant my flag on you ”
“ Naughty boy ” she said as she chuckled, ” I have a boyfriend you know?! ”
“ You should! Does that disturb anything cos I wo.. ” she cut me off before I could finish the sentence
“ Doesn’t matter. How soon can we meet up before I head for school this weekend?…plsssss ”
“ Ok fine. Where are you suggesting? My house? Yours? Where? ” I quickly spelled out
“ Your house tomorrow at 12pm. Send me the address, and I’ll bring us what to eat…Watchu think about that? ”
“ That’s fine but….are we gonna..em..u know? So I’d know whether to work out overnight ”
“ A little push up will do… ”she said while laughing
“ See ya then, I’ll BB u the address now…Oops u don’t have a blackberry, I’ll send you a text then ”
“ Because of u, I’ll buy a BB… nonsense boy,bye jor ”
Just then I remembered the envelope. Just as I reached for the envelope inside the trousers, my phone rang again. I thought it was Teni again,only to find out it was her mum
“Hello Ma. I was just about to call you but couldn’t find credit anywhere”
“ I’m good. I’ll send you some credit in the morning ok? Just wanted to thank you for today and I hope this continues safely between us. I hope the money isn’t too small? ”
…I was thinking, why do they always say that? Not like I can answer that it is too small!
“ I haven’t even opened it ma, but I was just about to when you called. Thank you ma. I had fun today ”
“No problem dear. Don’t worry about calling me, I’ll do the calling ok? and pls no texts! We have to play safe here because my kids use my phone at anytime, so if you need to reach me, beep me and I’ll call you back. Take care of yourself and help yourself with some pain relievers and don’t try to act strong cos you need it”
We both laughed and she dropped the line.
This is insane. Am I going nuts? Is this really happening? Then I remembered the envelope and on checking out the contents, it was thirty thousand naira in clean mint thousand naira notes. Woow! It’s like the economic crunch didn’t hit some people. It’s not like the thirty thousand was a big deal (i hear most of y’all say hell it is!), but after meeting her just today, we had sex and I’m being paid thirty thousand naira? I’d let y’all do the maths.
Just then my phone rang just again. It was my mum calling me from the other end of the house (I stay in the BQ) that someone was at the gate. So I put aside the money and headed to see who the person was. In this rain? Who could it be? As I got outside, I asked who the person was before opening the gate(you cant be too careful in Lagos),then i heard a female voice saying “ It’s me Temi ”
What?! Did I hear her right? As I opened the door to confirm it, there was my worst fear come to pass. There she was, drenched in rain and up in tears, all she could mumble out after parting her rain drenched hair off her face was “Please I need you now. Please don’t turn me away…I cant go home..not now!…can I pass the night here please?”
I was scratching out solutions outta my head and asked her to come in, head down to the BQ whilst I go make an explanation to my parents about who was at the gate and probably get my food and some female clothings for her (Belinda, I’m sorry I had to borrow some of your clothes). I told my parents,some stranger was lost and I was giving him directions and then went on to meet her.
“ What happened? Did you have a fight with your mum? ” I asked.
“ No! I am coming from my boyfriend’s house with whom I was supposed to spend two days and caught him sleeping with someone else and he told me the bitch is his fiancée and sent me out like trash and asked me not to ruin his marriage plans. He called me a spoilt brat and so many other ridiculous names as I strolled out of his house ”
“But how did you get where I live? Have you been here before?”
“ No, I logged in with Teni’s account on facebook to look for your contact details but I did not see anything till I checked your profile on your blogsite and found it ”
I quickly added “ Why me? Dont you have any other friends? I’m 22 you know? And I still play by my parent’s rule. I could get in trouble if they knew you were here ”
“ We don’t have much friends except in school and you are the only person I could think of ”
“ Ok, fine! Get outta those wet clothes and lets eat. Guess I’m stuck with you for the night. Do you do playstations or you’d facebook on the laptop? There’s not much to do around here. ”
“ How can I thank you? Thank you very much ” as she started changing her clothes in front of me.
“Hey?! Watchu doing? I’m here you know?”
She managed a smile and said “ I wish I wasn’t on my period ”
I pondered on what that was supposed to mean. It could mean only one thing… might she wanna? nah? Could it be she’s in…? Couldn’t be. What was I thinking? Of course she wont mind having sex with me, its a cold night (who doesn’t need one on nights like this) and just then I asked her “ Have you ever had sex on your period?…not like I wanna…u get what I mean? ”
She shocked me by saying “ No, but I’ve always wanted to try that ”
Without further questions, I stood up and she came closer and then we kissed so passionately that it went for 15 minutes and then kissing down to her neck as she knelt down to lay on the mattress pushing away the playstaion pad and laptop gently to the side. She carefully removed her pad laden pant and she blew me out (literally as in wow and figuratively as in a blow job). She was the best and I could have returned the favour then I remembered she was actually on her period. I handed over the condom to her to signal it’s time for the real deal. She professionally slipped one of those expensive condoms you save for girls like this (I mean she didn’t look like a gold circle girl)
She started riding me like a jockey and I was pitying her poor boyfriend amidst the fun for letting her go and as I came, my dad beeped me. It was time to put off the generator. I noticed she still had more in her and I told her to reserve it till I come back and just managed a chuckle as she turned to her side.
Did not know NEPA (or PHCN) had brought the light for over thirty minutes and I quickly went to change the switch and on getting back, Temi was fast asleep. I stood staring at her, “Why would anyone ditch a girl like this?” As I lay beside her I felt something on the bed, it was the envelope…THE ENVELOPE!!
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My Sugar Mummy And I | The Beginning
Mrs. Y is the wife of the ambassador of Nigeria to a Caribbean country(name withheld), she has a very successful chain of boutiques and supermarkets(name withheld) and was in Nigeria most times rather than being with her husband, she has two daughters and a son, both daughters are my age group but still in some private university(name withheld).
Hmmmm….How did we meet? You might ask. I met her at a famous cinema at Yaba. I watched her daughter with great interest as she ran off to meet a friend of hers and I had to take the lift with her and in the silence of the lift, I heard a voice say “ You seem to like my daughter huh?! ” Trying to pretend I didn’t hear her the first time, I said “’ scuse me? ” Then she said “O h! Come off it, it’s not like I dint see you staring at my Teni ”, Then I chuckled “ you got me there ma “.
“ My name is Mrs. Y and I think I’ll be stuck to you past this elevator, you won’t mind some company would you? ”
“ Naaah ” I said, without thinking twice.
DING , The elevator opens and after the “ after you ” courtesy, I now realised that she is indeed a fine woman with a J-lo kinda body. We decided to chat off at one of the eateries while we wait for our movie. I told her a little about myself and she told me a whole lot – she got married at nineteen and now thirty nine with three kids and how she knows that her husband fools around with Caribbean girls, but she can’t do anything about it because he’s ten years older.
She told me about Temi, Teni and Timi. I fell in love with her family straight away, and we kept on talking and I don’t know when or how it slipped that I’ve always wanted a sugar mummy, she picked up her bag and said;
“ You haven’t found one yet, keep searching! ”
Dumb founded and confused I eased myself out of the chair to chase her down the hall, but her daughter and her friends had caught up with her and I could do nothing. I had blown it (or so I thought!). Surprisingly her daughter and friends went to see a different movie (some romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston as a reporter who jumped bail and was hunted by her cop ex-husband)and she went to see clash of the titans, I quickly opted for the same movie, though I had seen it twice already.
As I entered the dark movie hall, trying to use the screen light to find my way to my sugar mama(oops I mean soon-to-be), I noticed her in the corner at the top corner sitting alone enjoying her movie and I went to meet her and sat beside her, after twenty minutes I decided to talk since she wouldn’t.
“ Ok, so I fucked up…..I’m sorry. ” She just kept on eating her popcorn and watching her movie. “ Ok fine, I’d just go in front of the screen and yell I’m sorry ” I continued.
She called my bluff and asked me to do it. “ You know I can’t, pls I’m really sorry ”
And then something crazy happened, she drew me closer and kissed me… “ I have less than two hours before my kids finish their movie… Do u know a place we can be alone together? ” she said.
Before I could snap outta the kiss, she thought of somewhere and said “ let’s go! ” We got to the lot downstairs and she threw the key of her Honda element to me and said, “ You drive and I’d navigate ”, I told her I wanted to get some condoms at dominos supermarket, she chuckles and asked me to hurry. Like superman, I was back at the car in seconds and we were zooming off to a cute guest house in alagomeji and I did the checking in and next we knew we were staring each other in the eye inside the loft room; not like we did not know what to do, but where to start from. I made a gesture by looking at my wrist and she jumped at me and was kissing me all over and as I begin to undress her I noticed a tattoo of a tiger on her back (she probably had a short but fun filled youth that was cut short by her marriage and pregnancy or I just might be wrong). I gently worked my way across her body (not minding the time we had left at first) and we made love three times (twice in the bedroom and once in the bathroom under the shower) and we laid the bed together whilst acknowledging each other’s prowess.
We were about to leave the room when I noticed she still had her shower cap on. Oops… We got that fixed and then checked out.
We got into the car and she opted to drive back and was acting shy, I was about asking her what’s wrong when I got a call from my girlfriend asking me how my day was. “ Thrilling, tiring yet satisfying ” I said. She probably thought I meant it more figuratively rather literally and had a little chat about her day and she dropped the line. Mrs. Y said I was crazy for telling her what I said and we both laughed as she concluded how stupid females can be when they are in love and can’t see the obvious things (sorry ladies….she said so). She even made a joke by saying if a girl in love sees her boyfriend having sex with her sister, he can still deny it saying it’s her evil twin or it wasn’t him or the sister drugged him and she’d believe him.
We got back just in time for the credits and she introduced me to her daughter as a new friend and Teni immediately loved me but somehow Temi and I never got along fine. Teni loved my sense of humour, my looks and the fact that I had finished school, still very young and Temi didn’t believe any of those (or so I thought at first). I told them I had to leave early because the holdup I was to face on my way home. She asked me where I was headed and surprisingly, we stayed not so far from each other (who would have thought someone of their status would live in the area I stayed in) and she asked me to hop in.
I sat between Temi and Teni and I made sure Temi liked something about me. She ended up appreciating my writing skills when I showed her some of my write up on my blogsite. Teni kept complaining I was shifting the attention to Temi and I was forced to turn to her as she was showing me pictures on facebook via her nokia N97 (some crazy ass phone that has 32gigabyte.who needs that?!) and she checked mine as well and noticed my status that says “complicated” and she kept on questioning it and I asked her jokingly if she would love to fill the space. Instead of saying no, like most girls would, she asked what it will take her to fill it and jokingly I replied “ Kiss me here and we are on. ”
And she did lean over in an attempt to do so when I stopped her and whispered to her ears, “ we’d do it where we can get our clothes off after” and she simply chuckled and nodded in agreement. I thought to myself, just in case this is not a dream, I just might have a shot at all three of them and Temi broke my thoughts by whispering to my other ear that she’s on her period that’s why she can’t afford a smile for now and she does like me a lot already so I don’t get the wrong idea about her and just then Mrs. Y said she wanted to grab some salad at the eatery and get their daily supply of waste for their dog and asked me to escort her on our way and she said;
“ Thank you for playing along with my girls and when next do I see you again my baby? ” It’s funny she actually thought I was playing along. “ I’m at home most mornings before I go to the shop later in the day and the girls will be back in school by next weekend ” she continued. At that point I wanted to opt out then she placed an envelope in my hands and said “Thanks for today and pls keep this a secret as long as you can! ”
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Sex With My Unknown Boss | Fiction
She served breakfast and we made small talk as we ate. After breakfast I gave her a kiss for a well-prepared meal and she giggled.
“What are your plans for today?” she asked.
“Errrrr, I have no plans” I replied.
“You do now” she said
I laughed out of surprise and just nodded my head in agreement.
“What exactly do you have in mind?”
She replied “I am leaving now. Let’s see a movie together. Meet me at the mall by 2.”
She walked to the room, where she got dressed and I tried persuading her for a quickie but she declined saying we will end up not leaving the room the whole day, which sounded perfect to me. She kissed me goodbye as she left my house.
I got to the cinema at exactly 2:15 to find her waiting for me. It felt strange to be the one apologising for coming late. We saw a movie and afterwards decided to take a walk round the mall. We kept our conversation flowing by making fun of people we passed by. She was eager to know more about me and asked general questions which I answered.
Suddenly, the question got personal and it looked like she was already imagining us in a relationship. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead,my palms were sweaty and my voice shaky.
“Are you okay?” she asked
“Yes” I replied quietly
” I don’t think so. You look like you just saw a ghost” she insisted
Like magic I found my voice and replied “Yesternight was fun,we hooked up and the sex was awesome”
“I am glad you enjoyed it” she said with a smile
” I am not looking for anything serious and this right here is getting serious. I feel like you are picturing us together already” I answered
“Ooooooh” she said with shock written all over her face
She continued by saying ” Can we go now please?”
” We are cool, right?” I asked
“Yes” she replied
We left the mall with me feeling so relieved that she had taken it well.
My relieve turned to dismay on Monday morning when I got to work and my boss called me to his office to introduce the new head of my department. The woman he had said so much about is the same woman I hooked up with over the weekend and to make matters worse she is his daughter.
P.S
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