Dear Future Wife,

I know it's been a long time I wrote to you. The devil have tried every available means possible to make me forget about you.

For example if you read my "April fools' experience" Gosh! That was the closest I came to cheating on you. But I know you have a kind heart and therefore you've forgiven me already. But sweet heart, don't you think its high time you write me a letter? This is my fifth letter to you(not counting the numerous letters I forgot to publish or the ones I wrote way back in primary and secondary school. Not that I'm complaining or anything. But all I need is just a letter(yes just one) and I'll be the most happiest guy on earth. (My email's "hendrix@doctor.com" incase you forgot)

Anyways cocoa, (you don't mind me calling you that right?) Lately I have been inundated by texts of all kinds, graphics too, addressing me as some sort of coward or shy person who refuses to step forward and take his destiny in his hands. May I dis-abuse that notion and in my own defence say, I am not!

From display pictures (DPs) that read “I wonder what my future husband is doing right now” to the absolutely annoying “dear future husband, you dey mad ni? Must I date every boy before you come?” To the insanely hilarious write by kemmiiii that made me laugh till tears welled in my eyes, I have decided to respond and allay some of your fears.

As confused and angry as you may be right now concerning my supposed identity, please note that I am more impatient to meet you. To see your wonderful face and be lost in your smile. To know you more than anyone else could claim. To laugh with you and lend a shoulder for you to cry on.

Dear wife, understand this, I am impatient to meet you because I would be your boyfriend – your friend, a boy – the trustworthy dependable guy you relax with. The person who you wear no airs around. The one whose number is first on your speed-dial. I will be the friend who makes you laugh until it hurts, be there when you are passing through your phases, a constant familiar face that goes through the darkness with you
.
We will hang out together, go grab amala at Iya Mulika’s joint. Watch Arsenal play, (hopefully Arsene Wenger would have been cured of his dementia) together supporting as the team conquers England, Europe and then the world. Our voices lost as we give ourselves over to frenzied shouts that spurs the team on from a million miles away.


There will be no secrets between us. My eyes will reveal what is in my heart, it will start dancing at the sight of you. You alone will have the access to the codes of my mumu button; still I will be your friend, a boy, and maybe, your best-friend.

Your girlfriends will get jealous of our relationship, my boyfriends will pray for my soul and scheme to deliver me. Yet will our bond grow strong. We will ride the crest of time together, brave the gloomy valley hand in hand trusting each other implicitly and knowing that with each other, we are safe. Still I will only be your friend, a boy, maybe your best-friend.

And as we grow, as you are about to make the greatest decision in your life, as always mine would be the first name you say, the one you come to for advise and as we talk and discuss the subject of marriage your eyes will open in an epiphaneous (pardon the word – epiphany) moment and you will see I have always been there, your friend, your ally, your rock. Waiting, for the time your eyes will open and you will see, I have always been there keeping watch over you till you are ready to admit to yourself that I, I am the one for you.

-your future husband
Hendrix

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry using MTN NIGERIA.

To whom I’m certain, this will concern someday:
I had this very strange dream yesterday, and in Τ̣̣ђё dream, I was talking with my mom and she told me she read all my letters but none of them really mentioned Τ̣̣ђё kinda guy I was. She then asked me (in my dream) to write this piece.
so DEAR FUTURE WIFE, Instead of contributing to the growing divorce rate, I’d rather you see these potential deal breakers in advance, far before we tie the knot.

* I have THE WORSTMEMORY EVER. That’s actually an understatement, but there are no words in the English language to explain just how forgetful I can be. It’s probably going to seem like I’m an awful listener,but I assure you that’s not the case. I’m fantastic at hearing all of your comments, concerns, requests, etc. —I’m just not capable of retaining more than two percent of what you’ve said for any longer than five minutes. The phrase, “Can you remind me to _______?” should never be directed toward me, ever. Simply put: I don’t remember ANYTHING.

*I hate bugs. All of them. Here’s fair warning, if we see a cockroach in the bathroom, I’m not even going to attempt to kill it
[1]. It’s important that we take preventative measures in advance to make certain that critters are kept to a minimum. We’ll spray outside to secure the perimeter, leave those poisoned roach baits in select spots and keep crumbs and spills to a minimum. On the plus side, I am willing to kill select insects, including but not limited to: ants, tiny spiders,moths, house flies and in some rare cases, crickets.

* I break more stuff than I’m capable of fixing. At times can be a smidgen clumsy, which often results in random objects being broken. Whether it’s a dish, the lever on the recliner chair, the car, or the sink; you spend enough time around me and you will most definitely deal with an abnormal amount of “out of order” signs. The plus side, however, is that I will attempt to fix anything and everything. Sure, it often goes awry because I have the repairing abilities of Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor, but what I lack in skill, I make up for in effort. Google and persistence are often enough to fix any damage without calling a pricey repairman. Another positive: The one thing that I’ll never break is your heart.

* I cry on some occasions. Three occasions, specifically:
1. When someone close to me passes away.
2. When I am peeling onions
3. When that Nigeria commercial on CNN comes on.

* Most of the time Occasionally I’m really cheap smart at shopping. I take great pride in being a frugal grocery shopper. I’m capable of taking 1000 bucks and turning it into a fully stocked kitchen. Τ̣̣ђё downside? I invest in a lot of off brand products. ‘Tin Tomatoes and Grounded pepper ’ aren’t quite as delicious as ‘fresh tomatoes and pepper’ but for N60 less, I’ll take ‘em! I understand if there are certain things that you prefer to purchase the name brand of.

* I have a firm no farting rule. It isn’t cute or amusing at all . I’m not sure who created this notion that passing gas on or around each other signifies some type of milestone in a relationship’s strength, but they are wrong. I won’t fart near you, you don’t fart near me and we’ll both breathe in peace.

* I can’t cook (somebody lied). Not even a little bit. I’m not one of those guys who expect dinner preparation to be handled strictly by the woman. Unfortunately, due to my zero cooking abilities :-D, I can only contribute so much. If you need someone to boil water, preheat the oven, add a dash of salt or set the table —I’m your guy. Anything else and you’re playing with fire… Literally; I’ve started dozens of kitchen infernos making things as simple as frying plantains.

* When my sports teams lose, so does everyone around me. I can’t help it, my passion as a fan gets Τ̣̣ђё best of me from time to time and I radiate negativity after tough losses. DOUBLE WARNING: I’m an ARSENAL fan so be prepared for some serious pessimism every year during each premier league season.

* I don’t really believe in Valentine’s Day. Sorry, but it’s man made and Τ̣̣ђё concept of being nice to your partner one random day out of the year is preposterous.


As bad as all those things may sound, I’d like to list a few positives as well, just to balance things out.

*. I shower AT LEAST twice a day, everyday.

*. #I#never#use#hashtags #on#Twitter. That’s got to count for something .#Right?

*. I just love waiting for a girl, no matter how long it takes, while she does her shopping[4].

*. I’m one of the most accurate pissers ever; not a single drop on the seat since ’95. As a result of my precision, I never have to lift the seat up to urinate.

2012 is my absolute, favourite movie of all-time. I’ve seen it at least 50 times.

P.S :
*If you want to know more, add me on facebook *winks* and if you are my friend on facebook already..... Indicate by raising your hands...

It's been ages i wrote to you last, not my fault honey. I've been making plans on how to take perfect care of you.
But here I am, thinking about you again and wondering if you’re thinking about me. I have come to the point where I am finally starting to give up striving and trying to make my own plans and my own timing work. I am starting to learn to rest my mind and my heart in God’s plan and His timing. As the name of the book I just got in the mail says, I Gave God Time. That’s all He needs to pull off the biggest miracles– time.
So I pray that your heart is at rest. That you are comfortable where you are and not striving like I have been most of my life. I pray your heart is captured and captivated by Jesus andthat you are so enamored and enraptured by His love for you that He becomes everything to you and every other thing in your life falls back into its proper place.
I pray that you are fully coming alive to all that God made you to be. That you know where your beauty comes from and that you treasure your femininity as a gift from God. I pray that your loveliness comes from a Christ-filled countenance and a heart full of compassion and kindness.
I pray that your heart is being set free to love. That all your fears and insecurites are driven away in the face of the Prince of peace, and that peace will rule your heart and mind. I pray you look at every heartache and heartbreak as a means of molding you into the woman who will completely dazzle me.
Waiting is hard, but the longer the wait, the more we will treasure finding each other. I can’t wait to be your husband and do all I can to be apart of unveiling your true beauty for the world to see. I am waiting for that day, letting God transform me into the man you deserve.
Until then, take courage, dear heart. The night seems long but dawn is just around the corner. Hold on.
And be sure to hear from me again.

Your Future Husband,
Hendrix.

Dear future wife,

I don’t know if you are out here or reading this right now! If you are, please print this letter and bring it to our wedding reception. It will make a good read before our guests.

They say behind every successful man is a woman. I’ll like to say that behind every successful man is a good woman because I’ve seen men that have shut down their businesses because they got involved with the wrong woman. I want to be successful and I need to find you right now more than ever.

You may not know how much I need you but I come home every night with stories that I would love to share with someone special. I come home late from class sometimes wishing you’d be in bed waiting for me to hug your warm body. Your slot in my life is so empty it hurts because I know you are out there without me.

I’ve often imagined how you look. Are you dark or fair in complexion? Are you Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa? I play around with different images in my head but one thing stands out, I know you are very curvy.

Mum can’t wait to meet you and believe me, sometime ago she wanted to hook me up with a certain Ada from my village but that didn’t work. Since we are taking about mum, I’ve always prayed for a marriage where mum and my wife would be best friends. I’ll do everything possible to make sure that mum treats you like her daughter. This I promise you.

I still don’t know why I’m writing you but I guess I was motivated by Waje’s new song “Falling” especially the part that says “If you are ever planning on showing up, now would be perfect, now would be good”. I totally agree with her that now would be perfect. I‘ve waited for long and I need to start loving you on time.

I’ve booked my tattoo date because I promise to tattoo your name on my back the day I’ll propose to you. I’m not scared of having your name on my back because when I see you, I’ll know and I promise never to leave you.

No matter where we are, we must speak to each other every day at noon and have lunch once every week when we are in the same city.

I’ll tattoo your initials on my “wedding ring” finger as a constant reminder to all that I belong to you totally and in whole. I’ve gone as far as selecting some of our special songs.

On our wedding day, when you walk into the church, we’ll have Waje signing,  “Here comes the bride” and just after the exchange of vows, Waje will do an accappela of “One Naira”.

We’ll walk into the reception with Lami performing “Know“

Our first dance together as husband and wife should be Banky W’s “Till my dying day”

followed by Darey‘s “With this woman“

then MI’s “God Bless You”

and we’ll round our dance up with Wande Coal’s “Ololufe”.

I know I’m making all these plans without considering you but I’ll be willing to change all or accept any modifications from you even though I pray you love them too.

Is it okay if I tell you certain things about me? I can’t have my bath with cold water. I hate hot tea. I’m not particular about food; I can eat Indomie, fried egg and plantain, 3 times a day for one month without complaining. I watch loads of movies and would totally be glad if you enjoy same.

Nkem, I don’t know what you don’t like but I’m totally against hairnet and wrapper. I can’t stand both either in the kitchen or in the bedroom. We’ll invest in hair wraps. I would have said that the maximum cloth size you are allowed to get to is 10 but that may sound superficial to other people reading this, so I’ll just leave that for us to discuss one on one.

I’m Igbo(delta ibo actually) and we take care of our wives. I’ll work hard to make sure you don’t go hungry for one day till your dying day. I’ll let you decide the number of kids we’ll have but I don’t think 3 kids will be bad and together we can make a happy family of five.

It’s 08:00pm Thursday April 14^th, 2011 and I know you are somewhere out there and it does not matter if you are in another man’s arms, when I do meet you, I promise never to let you go. I promise to take care of you, provide you with all the reasonable good things of life that money can buy. If you are reading this, please give me a sign. Walk up to me on the street and plant a hot kiss on my lips as a sign.

I look forward to the day I’ll meet you and when I meet you it does not matter where we’ve been to or who we’ve been with, we will give each other clean slates to start life afresh together as one.

Someday I’ll go on my right knee with All 4 One‘s “I Swear“ playing in the background and I’ll ask you to marry me.

When we wake up in the morning, we’ll have Az Yet’s “Last Night” on repeat while we have breakfast.

I’ll write you from time to time to express how much you mean to me.

Love, hugs and tiny wet kisses,

Your future husband,

Hendrix