An Open Letter to Arsenal Players by a Young Lady Goonerette (Fridah Kariuki)

Dear Arsenal players,
I use the word ‘dear’ because I love Arsenal and also because you are an expensive lot to support.
Supporting you has not been easy. I will start by informing you of how hard it is for a female football fan in a third world country where the notion is not widely accepted labelling me ‘weird’. It comes with insecurity as I can’t watch the game in the house. It is harsh on my pocket (I am unemployed by the way) as I have to buy a drink at the sports bar.

Don’t forget the time difference and I do love my sleep. It is also not good for my heart because when you lose or draw, I get these mini heart attacks that I am afraid may become the big one that will be the end of me p.s. I am only in my 20s. Despite all these factors, I do my best to watch you, to support you, to defend you, to be proud of you and love you lose, draw or win.

You’re playing worse every day and right now you’re playing like the middle of next week.
I am hating this relationship as you do not give as you receive. So here is what I want from each you… and it’s not much to ask:

Dear Wojo,
I appreciate the work you do. However, sometimes your positioning is so poor I am tempted to send you a compass. Your confidence is great but sometimes it borders on cockiness and at times it is not there. Balance that! Thank you.

Dear Sagna,
You have developed to one of the best right backs in the game,if not the best. Of late however,your game has been off. Please go back to the old you and send those crosses in. Stick to your name… Mr.Reliable.

Dear Jenko,
Your game has brilliantly improved it seems like a miracle. I trust you would do anything for your boyhood team so please improve your ball distribution skills and pass the ball quicker. Thank you.

Dear Per,
I love the way you play. You have saved the team lots. I would like to ask you to improve your pace but that needs a miracle. You can however use your great vision to organise the defence i.e. be more vocal. Also,use your good distribution skills to start attacking faster.
Danke.

Dear Koscielny,
You have been great since your arrival and you have improved. However, you get sloppy at times. Please be consistent.

Dear Vermaelen,
Captain,your confidence has been low and this has badly affected your performance. You were made a leader because you have the qualities. I need you to believe in yourself and your teammates and get out of the hole the team is in. Also, please go back to scoring. Thank you.

Dear Gibbs,
You have been great so far. You could improve on your crossing ability though. In the spirit of teamwork, please teach your teammates how to do sliding tackles. Thanks.

Dear Arteta,
I know you are playing a new role this season. This means you have to be more careful with your tackles (talk to Gibbs). Also, try to pass forward and less sideways and backwards. Lastly, SHOOT. You used to.
Why did you stop?
P.S. I love your hair.

Dear Jack,
Your vision,accuracy and strength amaze me. However, your temper is horrible. Nobody needs your temper,so don’t lose it. Also shoot more often. Thank you.

Dear Aaron,
I am one of your few genuine fans. I believe you can prove your haters wrong if only you didn’t hold the ball too long and just played simple touches. Also improve your crossing and defending. Thanks.

Dear Gervais,
You have the ability to get past defenders but your final touch…my oh my! Please pass or shoot quicker. Basically, think and make your decision faster. Thanks.

Dear Santi,
You have been amazing since your arrival. Amazing and just fun to watch. Lethargy has creeped into your performance crippling it. That
is EPL for you. Get a massage, relax and play. Thank you.

Dear Diaby,
Please stop getting injured. That is all. Thanks.

Dear Rosicky,
Glad to have you back. Please steer a come back. Thank you…
Oh and don’t get injured.

Dear Podolski,
Thank you for the goals and assists so far. During matches please stop acting like a ghost and disappearing. Fight for the ball…look for
the ball hard. Also shoot more often. Thanks.

Dear Theo,
You have been sensational and deadly so far. Please improve your 1st touch and timing of runs. Thanks.
P. S. Sign da ting.

Dear Ox,
So far I can’t complain much but please stop disappearing during matches and also track back when you lose possession. Thanks.

Dear Giroud,
I am glad that you started scoring. Now,please continue. Enoùgh said. Merci.

Yes I know our relationship is long distance but I am loyal to you so be loyal to me. Just make me happy.
COYG.
Yours truly,
Suffering fan.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry using Airtel Nigeria.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry using Airtel Nigeria.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry using Airtel Nigeria.