In response to a video that recently made waves on the internet about the things that girls say, my friend, Toolsman, and I decided to play about it a bit and bring it closer home; make it more palatable and present to you:

Stuff Nigerian girls say



 

'All men cheat' - This is classic. We hear this ALL the time. how many times have you gotten into a relationship themed conversation with women and it someway somehow leads to this statement? Yeah, like I said, classic.

'You’ve changed' - If you’re not cheating or gay, and they can’t place any other thing on you, this is always a good one. It has variants too: 'You’re just somehow' 'There’s just something different about you'. What is different? 'Err… I just can’t place my fingers on it… but I sha know you’ve changed.'

'Ahn ahn now, I didn’t fashi you jor' - To the guys reading, we’ve all been there. You know when girls move from main squeeze to side guy aka back-up plan? This statement always goes before the common: 'I changed my phone and lost my contacts' Really? It’s fine, I’m a man, I can take the truth you know.

'These shoes are killing me, who sent me?' - Yes. WHO SENT YOU? Not me. And certainly not any of the other guys reading. No one ever said looking pretty/hawt/Beyonce, or whatever synonym you choose to use, is easy. Point is, we know. It probably hurts, but it did its job, so stop complaining.

'Oh, I like your hair, where did you make it?' - It’s funny how women always say it’s so easy for us guys to bond; all we have to do is start talking about football right? Well, but I’ve seen women become best friends by hooking each other with hairdressers and nail people and even digits of those women that do things my fingers can’t type in Yaba and Alhaja’s store.

'Bras are from hell' - Another classic. Just wondering if women aren’t over due for some sort of global summit. You know, where they can all maybe just agree to ‘discontinue’ the use of bras? That would help people like Aunty NOI loosen us a bit.

'BBM Status: I want icecream/cake/pizza/bbq chicken/Idris Elba' - You know what? I also want Sofia Vergara but you don’t see me putting that up as my status do you? But then again, I don’t expect this to change since words like mugu/maga etc still exist.

'Does my ass look bigger in these jeans?' -

No. No. No. Yes. No matter how long you stand in front of the mirror or talk about your breast and ass, they still won’t get bigger if you don’t actually do something about them so stuff fussing or asking us if they’re bigger. You know we’ll just keep saying yes.

'This movie on Africa Magic Yoruba is so retarded?' - Then why are you still watching it? Or let’s even say you were curious to see how it ends. Fine. Why then do I catch you saying the exact same thing three days later? It’s a question I’m hoping to get answers to.

'I hate football' - This used to really tick me off but nowadays there’s a variant that’s almost worse. You know when she gets in a relationship and starts supporting her ‘boo’s’ team for whatever reason? Well, we all know why you’re doing it so why not say only the safe stuff and not embarrass yourself and the 'boo' by saying stuff like: “Arsenal players are so hot, especially David Beckham.

Ladies, don’t worry for this isn’t some attack. I’ll be back with the stuff men say soon. Do take care.