Before anyone jumps on me, I know the word Gossipers is wrong english. Yeah it should be gossips, but I prefer gossipers – reminds me of when I first learned the art. Gossipers, rumour mongers, amebos, oyanas, BBC international, Gist MD and the rest of them – both men and women all make me sick. They really do (unless the rumour is not about me… lol). Yes men gossip too, but I think women have a greater level of understanding for it.

I’m sure everyone has had some kind of untrue rumour about them floating around at some point in their lives, and if you haven’t, then you might be pretty insignificant or invisible, or very good at laying low. Either way it’s not such a bad thing. Maybe, someone heard that you had sex in the toilet in primary 6, or they heard your mother is a winch (love that word), or that your father does ritual killings for his money, or that you have syphilis (yes… pretty disgusting). Whatever the rumour is, most times it’s very far from the real truth or just a straight up lie.
So what is that makes Gossipers prosper and continue to flourish in this world? Is it their ability to turn raw rice (which is the truth) into sweet jollof rice with chicken and shrimp? (the finished product ready for distribution and consumption) or their willingness to just drop sweet gist like hot yam inside mouth? Or maybe it’s just plain boredom. I don’t have the answer to that, but I’d like to know.

It’s interesting how someone you’ve never met before or even heard about can have so much gist on you, you go think say una share womb apartment for your mama belle – just plain ridiculous. A simple story like “She went to the movies with John at night”will turn to “She went to John’s house to watch a movie at night” then transform to “She said she was watching a movie at John’s house, but me I don’t know which kind of movie she’ll be watching that late at night” then metamorph to “She went to John’s house and I think they had sex” and the final product “John is nyashing the babe constant”. I mean I can start rumours and gossip from anywhere and anything if I really wanted to. What’s even more interesting is the willingness of people to hear the gist. No one, including myself, will turn a deaf ear to sweet gist. Everyone will be listening and saying encouraging phrases like, “eh ehn?”, “na wa o”, “for real?”, “see what i’ve been saying?”, “so what happened?” The gister (if that’s a real word) will more often than not tell the gistee (again not a real word) not to tell anyone, knowing fully well that person will probably tell his/her own gistees the same thing.”Don’t tell anyone o, Amaka told me this in secret and I’m not supposed to be telling you”, and the same thing is said to the next person that is told. I’m beginning to believe it’s the excitement of it all.

It’s always great to listen to other people's gist until the gist becomes about you, or you hear one long elaborate story of you being a deported drug dealer and you’re still sitting in America, or that you used to be a stripper. Then you want to vex, but u’ve been listening and adding maggi cube into other people’s gist. As a good friend of mine will say “Regular life can be boring sometimes so you have to add spices to make it more interesting”. Me personally I’ve said a special prayer for anyone who has anything negative and untrue to spread about me. Anyone that opens their mouth and spreads untrue gist about me should somersault and die…lol.

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