Archive for September 2012
Gossiping
Before anyone jumps on me, I know the word Gossipers is wrong english. Yeah it should be gossips, but I prefer gossipers – reminds me of when I first learned the art. Gossipers, rumour mongers, amebos, oyanas, BBC international, Gist MD and the rest of them – both men and women all make me sick. They really do (unless the rumour is not about me… lol). Yes men gossip too, but I think women have a greater level of understanding for it.
I’m sure everyone has had some kind of untrue rumour about them floating around at some point in their lives, and if you haven’t, then you might be pretty insignificant or invisible, or very good at laying low. Either way it’s not such a bad thing. Maybe, someone heard that you had sex in the toilet in primary 6, or they heard your mother is a winch (love that word), or that your father does ritual killings for his money, or that you have syphilis (yes… pretty disgusting). Whatever the rumour is, most times it’s very far from the real truth or just a straight up lie.
So what is that makes Gossipers prosper and continue to flourish in this world? Is it their ability to turn raw rice (which is the truth) into sweet jollof rice with chicken and shrimp? (the finished product ready for distribution and consumption) or their willingness to just drop sweet gist like hot yam inside mouth? Or maybe it’s just plain boredom. I don’t have the answer to that, but I’d like to know.
It’s interesting how someone you’ve never met before or even heard about can have so much gist on you, you go think say una share womb apartment for your mama belle – just plain ridiculous. A simple story like “She went to the movies with John at night”will turn to “She went to John’s house to watch a movie at night” then transform to “She said she was watching a movie at John’s house, but me I don’t know which kind of movie she’ll be watching that late at night” then metamorph to “She went to John’s house and I think they had sex” and the final product “John is nyashing the babe constant”. I mean I can start rumours and gossip from anywhere and anything if I really wanted to. What’s even more interesting is the willingness of people to hear the gist. No one, including myself, will turn a deaf ear to sweet gist. Everyone will be listening and saying encouraging phrases like, “eh ehn?”, “na wa o”, “for real?”, “see what i’ve been saying?”, “so what happened?” The gister (if that’s a real word) will more often than not tell the gistee (again not a real word) not to tell anyone, knowing fully well that person will probably tell his/her own gistees the same thing.”Don’t tell anyone o, Amaka told me this in secret and I’m not supposed to be telling you”, and the same thing is said to the next person that is told. I’m beginning to believe it’s the excitement of it all.
It’s always great to listen to other people's gist until the gist becomes about you, or you hear one long elaborate story of you being a deported drug dealer and you’re still sitting in America, or that you used to be a stripper. Then you want to vex, but u’ve been listening and adding maggi cube into other people’s gist. As a good friend of mine will say “Regular life can be boring sometimes so you have to add spices to make it more interesting”. Me personally I’ve said a special prayer for anyone who has anything negative and untrue to spread about me. Anyone that opens their mouth and spreads untrue gist about me should somersault and die…lol.
I’m sure everyone has had some kind of untrue rumour about them floating around at some point in their lives, and if you haven’t, then you might be pretty insignificant or invisible, or very good at laying low. Either way it’s not such a bad thing. Maybe, someone heard that you had sex in the toilet in primary 6, or they heard your mother is a winch (love that word), or that your father does ritual killings for his money, or that you have syphilis (yes… pretty disgusting). Whatever the rumour is, most times it’s very far from the real truth or just a straight up lie.
So what is that makes Gossipers prosper and continue to flourish in this world? Is it their ability to turn raw rice (which is the truth) into sweet jollof rice with chicken and shrimp? (the finished product ready for distribution and consumption) or their willingness to just drop sweet gist like hot yam inside mouth? Or maybe it’s just plain boredom. I don’t have the answer to that, but I’d like to know.
It’s interesting how someone you’ve never met before or even heard about can have so much gist on you, you go think say una share womb apartment for your mama belle – just plain ridiculous. A simple story like “She went to the movies with John at night”will turn to “She went to John’s house to watch a movie at night” then transform to “She said she was watching a movie at John’s house, but me I don’t know which kind of movie she’ll be watching that late at night” then metamorph to “She went to John’s house and I think they had sex” and the final product “John is nyashing the babe constant”. I mean I can start rumours and gossip from anywhere and anything if I really wanted to. What’s even more interesting is the willingness of people to hear the gist. No one, including myself, will turn a deaf ear to sweet gist. Everyone will be listening and saying encouraging phrases like, “eh ehn?”, “na wa o”, “for real?”, “see what i’ve been saying?”, “so what happened?” The gister (if that’s a real word) will more often than not tell the gistee (again not a real word) not to tell anyone, knowing fully well that person will probably tell his/her own gistees the same thing.”Don’t tell anyone o, Amaka told me this in secret and I’m not supposed to be telling you”, and the same thing is said to the next person that is told. I’m beginning to believe it’s the excitement of it all.
It’s always great to listen to other people's gist until the gist becomes about you, or you hear one long elaborate story of you being a deported drug dealer and you’re still sitting in America, or that you used to be a stripper. Then you want to vex, but u’ve been listening and adding maggi cube into other people’s gist. As a good friend of mine will say “Regular life can be boring sometimes so you have to add spices to make it more interesting”. Me personally I’ve said a special prayer for anyone who has anything negative and untrue to spread about me. Anyone that opens their mouth and spreads untrue gist about me should somersault and die…lol.
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.
*UPDATE* what You Probably Dont Know About Me
in no particular defined order here's some completely random facts about me. I'll probabaly add more to this list as time goes by.......
Ps; Don't take some of the stuffs here serious.
1. My Name's Hendrix Hen-d-ri-x not edris or endrix or embris or endis (there's over 500 other pronunciations I'v heard people call me)
2. I'm DELTAN as-in south-south Not an easterner...so what makes me ibo or igbo....??!!?? Kmt!
3. I speak fluently English, Yoruba, Nigeria English(pidgin), and I understand fluently English, Yoruba, ibo/igbo, hausa, nigeria English (pidgin)french.
4. I've only N̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ crushed on a girl b4....
5. I have no problem doing simple household chores. But I have a HUGE problem when I'm told to do so. Pretty universal - I do things when I WANT to and not when I'm ASKED to.
6. My hand writing is appalling – worse than any girl I know.
6. I can’t draw to save a life. But I can draw to help the person on a life support :-D
7. I write a lot, I have a blog at h̶t̶t̶p̶:̶/̶/̶h̶m̶a̶n̶3̶6̶0̶.̶c̶o̶.̶c̶c̶ http://thathman.wordpress.com
8. When I started my blog, I wished I have done it anonymously so I could really say what I wanted to say. Now I’m glad I didn’t, because I can actually say what I want to say, and stand behind it, too.
9. I consider myself a creative person- but very lazy to finish tasks :(
10. I am a an extremely bad liar.
11. I̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶r̶o̶m̶a̶n̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶f̶i̶l̶m̶s̶ ̶–̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶f̶a̶v̶o̶u̶r̶i̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶P̶r̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶P̶r̶e̶j̶u̶d̶i̶c̶e̶.̶. I've grown up. I no longer do movies.
12. I am good at keeping secrets.
13. I can KILL for keep my Family/friends
14. My birthday is the 25th of April..... I am approx 7661 days old.
15. Named my laptop ruki (I know one very black ruki. My laptop reminds me of him.....I have no idea of what you are thinking :-D
16. My Best friend name's Tobi and he's a guy.... *tongue out*
17. I don’t drink wine, beer or champagne. And I don't smoke either........Whenever someone who smokes shrugs and says to me, “I don’t care. When it’s time for me to die, it’s time for me to die”, I wonder if they’ll say the same thing when their larynx is removed and they’ll have to say that through a hole in their throat.
18. I would never date anyone who is a smoker….a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶o̶b̶s̶e̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶W̶I̶Z̶K̶I̶D̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶D̶a̶v̶i̶d̶o̶,̶ I dunno...we'll have to review that last part though
19. I have never been in a real relationship, and just recently I started worrying about it. I wonder if I'm too difficult to deal with(?)- I really hope that's not the case, and if it is, I would love to change it.
20. My ideal honeymoon consist of firstly taking the Orient Express from Venice to Paris and then spending a week in the Maldives – Now THAT would be something!
21. I despise cheating – It’s completely unnecessary..
22. I like spending time in my own company.
23. I Love Coke!
24. love cream.....chocolate flavours precisely. I could finish a whole GP tank filled with chocolate flavoured ice_cream....yummy!!
25. Did I forget to mention? I LOVE ARSENAL!!!!!
26. I truly love God, not because i am a good person, really... what's not to like.. he is awesomeness personified!
27. I am so grateful for the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, i can't fathom his love for mankind, we are so undeserving, i personally feel so unworthy
28. I believe in the power of prayer, i pray about the littlest "why would God be concerned about this " things.
29. I am the first of four children, and i love my siblings to bits!
30. I take my role as a senior brother very seriously, i am very involved in the life of my siblings, i am the 'helicopter brother' always hovering nearby ;)
31. I am not a shy person, i make friends easily and i am fun to be around
32. I wish i was calmer, i sometimes think i act too..what's the word..animated...
33..I have always wished i was black skinned, it took years to accept myself and to realise that light is beautiful too!
34. I hate confrontations, i can sometimes be a doormat because of this..
35. I can be extremely brutal, you don't want to get on my wrong side, sooo........... since i hate to hurt people, i just avoid confrontations.
36. I have been told i am handsome :).. truth is i am completely unaware of my looks, for me, at least i don't scare off children ...lol
37. I will agree i have lovely eyes!, i think they are my prettiest facial feature *vain me*
38. I love road side Puff Puff
39. I forgive easily, .B̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶g̶e̶t̶. ... i am very protective of my feelings and won't allow the same person to hurt me twice ..hello marriage!
40. I have a tendency to regret an action for years afterwards, so i am not very decisive
41. Once i make up my mind about something or some one, i am pretty much set in stone! working on this as well
42. I always knew i would have a daughter first ..duh!
43. I am not easily intimidated (except of course when a gun is involved), i usually stand up for my rights..
44. I am always on the side of the underdog..*Voltron, defender of the universe*
45. I am very perceptive, i sense things and people easily..
46. I am a very good judge of character, uncannily so, that why i have the sweetest friends in the world :)
47. I love, love to dance, i can hardly hear music without feeling like dancing, unfortunately i am just an above average dancer!
48. I think 2face is the greatest Nigeria singer/ philosopher ever, you can't beat the wisdom in his songs, and you cannot convince me otherwise
49. I believe in love at first sight :)
50. I have dated T̶h̶r̶e̶e̶ Four girls in my life.
51. I hate being cold, I am so thankful for the sun in Africa
52. I can cook and I believe i am a great cook, at least most people have told me so ;)
52. I love the Yoruba language , it is the richest Nigerian language and no, i am not biased :)
53. I am in awe of pretty looking ladies, i just stare and stare!
54. I am fascinated by stars and all things that pertain to astronomy
55. When i was a child i wanted to be an astronomer
56. Growing up, i was convinced my mum was the wicked step mother i had read about and i was adopted, my mum was all together too strict and downright bitchy mean at times in my own opinion.
I understand her now, it couldn't have been easy raising four kids on your own, BUT growing up with her was really hard, and our relationship was really strained.
57. I believe my siblings and i have this super relationship because we had to stick together through adversity and strange happenings with so called family members
58. M̶y̶ ̶d̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶P̶o̶r̶s̶c̶h̶e̶ ̶9̶1̶1̶ ̶C̶a̶r̶r̶e̶r̶a̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶v̶e̶r̶t̶i̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶(̶w̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶n̶'̶t̶)̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶v̶e̶r̶t̶i̶b̶l̶e̶.̶
59. I love music. Everything but country. I listen to it all the time and think the iPod is the greatest invention.
60. I̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶e̶n̶j̶o̶y̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶p̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶e̶l̶s̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶u̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶e̶n̶j̶o̶y̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶p̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶t̶h̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶b̶o̶o̶k̶s̶,̶ ̶m̶u̶s̶i̶c̶,̶ ̶e̶t̶c̶.̶ ̶
61. I love any dessert that is made with chocolate. I also love vanilla
62. I don't like to read, but I do like book stores. I have only read about 50 books in my whole life.
63. My favourite book is The Bourne Identity. Read it, they messed up the movie.
64. I think the most overrated piece of artwork I have ever seen is the Mona Lisa. Can someone please explain the appeal of this painting to me?
65. I will never date anyone that smokes, although I did have a one night stand with one, once .
66. I have never been jealous in any of my relationships.
67. I am hard to really get to know. I tend to be closed off.
68. I did not think that the Lord of the Rings movies were that great. I thought the third one was especially disappointing.
69. The only time I like my eggs over easy is when I have them with pancakes. I like to put them between the pancakes and make a kind of pancake sandwich.
70. I̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶r̶y̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶p̶i̶c̶t̶u̶r̶e̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶w̶a̶l̶l̶e̶t̶.̶
71. If I am not making fun of you, I probably don't like you.
72. Every woman I have dated has been absolutely beautiful. At least, they were to me.
73. I believe in a woman's right to choose, but would never opt to have an abortion.
74. I have an interesting sense of humor. I understand that this may or may not offend people at any given time. I'm ok with that. I also think that sometimes people are a tad too over sensitive about certain subjects. I'm ok with not dealing with them too. I do, however, try to keep myself in check...but really, most jokes will offend someone at some moment in time.
75. Someday when I have a house, I want a library with large vertically-tall windows with drapery and a piano left of middle of the room. I also want glass walls of binary codes and a jellyfish tank. And I want to paint a mural in the main hallway, cave drawings somewhere in the bathroom, and space scenes on the ceilings of my children’s rooms. I want it to be an old possibly blue Victorian house with a wrap-around porch. Or an old wood house VERY similar to The Burrow. But most of all, I want a happy house…busy, full of people, and usually never completely clean…“clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.” I also would like to turn the attic into an observatory.
76. I love biology – all aspects of it: anatomy, ecology, evolution, etc. I once referred to someone as a heterotrophic bacterium
77. I love poetry SOOOOOOOOO MUCH.
78. I despise boxing. I’m 100% terrified of the prospect of getting whammed in the face
Ps; Don't take some of the stuffs here serious.
1. My Name's Hendrix Hen-d-ri-x not edris or endrix or embris or endis (there's over 500 other pronunciations I'v heard people call me)
2. I'm DELTAN as-in south-south Not an easterner...so what makes me ibo or igbo....??!!?? Kmt!
3. I speak fluently English, Yoruba, Nigeria English(pidgin), and I understand fluently English, Yoruba, ibo/igbo, hausa, nigeria English (pidgin)french.
4. I've only N̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ crushed on a girl b4....
5. I have no problem doing simple household chores. But I have a HUGE problem when I'm told to do so. Pretty universal - I do things when I WANT to and not when I'm ASKED to.
6. My hand writing is appalling – worse than any girl I know.
6. I can’t draw to save a life. But I can draw to help the person on a life support :-D
7. I write a lot, I have a blog at h̶t̶t̶p̶:̶/̶/̶h̶m̶a̶n̶3̶6̶0̶.̶c̶o̶.̶c̶c̶ http://thathman.wordpress.com
8. When I started my blog, I wished I have done it anonymously so I could really say what I wanted to say. Now I’m glad I didn’t, because I can actually say what I want to say, and stand behind it, too.
9. I consider myself a creative person- but very lazy to finish tasks :(
10. I am a an extremely bad liar.
11. I̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶r̶o̶m̶a̶n̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶f̶i̶l̶m̶s̶ ̶–̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶f̶a̶v̶o̶u̶r̶i̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶P̶r̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶P̶r̶e̶j̶u̶d̶i̶c̶e̶.̶. I've grown up. I no longer do movies.
12. I am good at keeping secrets.
13. I can KILL for keep my Family/friends
14. My birthday is the 25th of April..... I am approx 7661 days old.
15. Named my laptop ruki (I know one very black ruki. My laptop reminds me of him.....I have no idea of what you are thinking :-D
16. My Best friend name's Tobi and he's a guy.... *tongue out*
17. I don’t drink wine, beer or champagne. And I don't smoke either........Whenever someone who smokes shrugs and says to me, “I don’t care. When it’s time for me to die, it’s time for me to die”, I wonder if they’ll say the same thing when their larynx is removed and they’ll have to say that through a hole in their throat.
18. I would never date anyone who is a smoker….a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶o̶b̶s̶e̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶W̶I̶Z̶K̶I̶D̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶D̶a̶v̶i̶d̶o̶,̶ I dunno...we'll have to review that last part though
19. I have never been in a real relationship, and just recently I started worrying about it. I wonder if I'm too difficult to deal with(?)- I really hope that's not the case, and if it is, I would love to change it.
20. My ideal honeymoon consist of firstly taking the Orient Express from Venice to Paris and then spending a week in the Maldives – Now THAT would be something!
21. I despise cheating – It’s completely unnecessary..
22. I like spending time in my own company.
23. I Love Coke!
24. love cream.....chocolate flavours precisely. I could finish a whole GP tank filled with chocolate flavoured ice_cream....yummy!!
25. Did I forget to mention? I LOVE ARSENAL!!!!!
26. I truly love God, not because i am a good person, really... what's not to like.. he is awesomeness personified!
27. I am so grateful for the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, i can't fathom his love for mankind, we are so undeserving, i personally feel so unworthy
28. I believe in the power of prayer, i pray about the littlest "why would God be concerned about this " things.
29. I am the first of four children, and i love my siblings to bits!
30. I take my role as a senior brother very seriously, i am very involved in the life of my siblings, i am the 'helicopter brother' always hovering nearby ;)
31. I am not a shy person, i make friends easily and i am fun to be around
32. I wish i was calmer, i sometimes think i act too..what's the word..animated...
33..I have always wished i was black skinned, it took years to accept myself and to realise that light is beautiful too!
34. I hate confrontations, i can sometimes be a doormat because of this..
35. I can be extremely brutal, you don't want to get on my wrong side, sooo........... since i hate to hurt people, i just avoid confrontations.
36. I have been told i am handsome :).. truth is i am completely unaware of my looks, for me, at least i don't scare off children ...lol
37. I will agree i have lovely eyes!, i think they are my prettiest facial feature *vain me*
38. I love road side Puff Puff
39. I forgive easily, .B̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶g̶e̶t̶. ... i am very protective of my feelings and won't allow the same person to hurt me twice ..hello marriage!
40. I have a tendency to regret an action for years afterwards, so i am not very decisive
41. Once i make up my mind about something or some one, i am pretty much set in stone! working on this as well
42. I always knew i would have a daughter first ..duh!
43. I am not easily intimidated (except of course when a gun is involved), i usually stand up for my rights..
44. I am always on the side of the underdog..*Voltron, defender of the universe*
45. I am very perceptive, i sense things and people easily..
46. I am a very good judge of character, uncannily so, that why i have the sweetest friends in the world :)
47. I love, love to dance, i can hardly hear music without feeling like dancing, unfortunately i am just an above average dancer!
48. I think 2face is the greatest Nigeria singer/ philosopher ever, you can't beat the wisdom in his songs, and you cannot convince me otherwise
49. I believe in love at first sight :)
50. I have dated T̶h̶r̶e̶e̶ Four girls in my life.
51. I hate being cold, I am so thankful for the sun in Africa
52. I can cook and I believe i am a great cook, at least most people have told me so ;)
52. I love the Yoruba language , it is the richest Nigerian language and no, i am not biased :)
53. I am in awe of pretty looking ladies, i just stare and stare!
54. I am fascinated by stars and all things that pertain to astronomy
55. When i was a child i wanted to be an astronomer
56. Growing up, i was convinced my mum was the wicked step mother i had read about and i was adopted, my mum was all together too strict and downright bitchy mean at times in my own opinion.
I understand her now, it couldn't have been easy raising four kids on your own, BUT growing up with her was really hard, and our relationship was really strained.
57. I believe my siblings and i have this super relationship because we had to stick together through adversity and strange happenings with so called family members
58. M̶y̶ ̶d̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶P̶o̶r̶s̶c̶h̶e̶ ̶9̶1̶1̶ ̶C̶a̶r̶r̶e̶r̶a̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶v̶e̶r̶t̶i̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶(̶w̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶n̶'̶t̶)̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶v̶e̶r̶t̶i̶b̶l̶e̶.̶
59. I love music. Everything but country. I listen to it all the time and think the iPod is the greatest invention.
60. I̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶e̶n̶j̶o̶y̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶p̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶e̶l̶s̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶u̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶e̶n̶j̶o̶y̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶p̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶t̶h̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶b̶o̶o̶k̶s̶,̶ ̶m̶u̶s̶i̶c̶,̶ ̶e̶t̶c̶.̶ ̶
61. I love any dessert that is made with chocolate. I also love vanilla
62. I don't like to read, but I do like book stores. I have only read about 50 books in my whole life.
63. My favourite book is The Bourne Identity. Read it, they messed up the movie.
64. I think the most overrated piece of artwork I have ever seen is the Mona Lisa. Can someone please explain the appeal of this painting to me?
65. I will never date anyone that smokes, although I did have a one night stand with one, once .
66. I have never been jealous in any of my relationships.
67. I am hard to really get to know. I tend to be closed off.
68. I did not think that the Lord of the Rings movies were that great. I thought the third one was especially disappointing.
69. The only time I like my eggs over easy is when I have them with pancakes. I like to put them between the pancakes and make a kind of pancake sandwich.
70. I̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶r̶y̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶p̶i̶c̶t̶u̶r̶e̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶w̶a̶l̶l̶e̶t̶.̶
71. If I am not making fun of you, I probably don't like you.
72. Every woman I have dated has been absolutely beautiful. At least, they were to me.
73. I believe in a woman's right to choose, but would never opt to have an abortion.
74. I have an interesting sense of humor. I understand that this may or may not offend people at any given time. I'm ok with that. I also think that sometimes people are a tad too over sensitive about certain subjects. I'm ok with not dealing with them too. I do, however, try to keep myself in check...but really, most jokes will offend someone at some moment in time.
75. Someday when I have a house, I want a library with large vertically-tall windows with drapery and a piano left of middle of the room. I also want glass walls of binary codes and a jellyfish tank. And I want to paint a mural in the main hallway, cave drawings somewhere in the bathroom, and space scenes on the ceilings of my children’s rooms. I want it to be an old possibly blue Victorian house with a wrap-around porch. Or an old wood house VERY similar to The Burrow. But most of all, I want a happy house…busy, full of people, and usually never completely clean…“clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.” I also would like to turn the attic into an observatory.
76. I love biology – all aspects of it: anatomy, ecology, evolution, etc. I once referred to someone as a heterotrophic bacterium
77. I love poetry SOOOOOOOOO MUCH.
78. I despise boxing. I’m 100% terrified of the prospect of getting whammed in the face
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My Sugar Mummy and I: Secrets and Secreations [Pt 3]
I woke up before her and as I tried to slip away quietly she said “Good morning sweet”and I decided not to reply her as I went to the bathroom to ease myself of the morning hard-ons. On getting back she was fully dressed and was ready to leave, I asked her where she was going to, and she replied “I have to go now before your folks wake up and I know ur little secret!” What could she mean? Did she know about my “thingy” with her mum? It was driving me crazy and as I turned to ask her what she meant, she said.....
“I know of you and my sister, she’s coming here today…isn’t she? She tells me everything u know?! And I know you guys are definitely gonna have sex”…I did make aloud sigh of relief and she continued “could you keep what happened today between us? To make sure of that here is my second ATM and the pin is my year of birth. Please don’t tell Teni…promise me!”
How much more secrets can I keep? First her mum’s and then now hers. Then I realised I was taking too long to reply her… “I promise and you really don’t have to do this” I said.
“Ur apartment needs a little pepping up and we both know u need the cash, just take it…and one more thing?”
”Yea” I managed to mumble out
“Can you repeat this feat anytime I wanna please?! If u aint with anyone then?”
“what if the anyone was Teni?”
“We are sister, we are used to sharing”
I sincerely hope she was trying to make a joke. As we stepped out trying to avoid my parent, my dad stepped out and the unimaginable happened! Temi knew my dad (how?! I was to find out very soon). “Temi, what are you doing here? And what’s all this? So this is how you have been sneaking girls in and out of my house?”…oops.
It happened that Temi and my dad had had something to do with her and they lost contact when she changed schools…I went numb as Temi quickly narrated the story to me and ask me if I had a problem with it, “are you insane? Of course I have a problem with it…I’ve shared the same…” just then my dad pulled temi and I into my room to avoid my mum hearing our conversation and I noticed my phone had just finished ringing and I saw 18 missed calls from Teni and just then she called back.
“Hey handsome you were still asleep right? I couldn’t sleep and I hope you haven’t forgotten about our appointment”
“No, sweet and can’t wait”…I said trying so hard to act right
“Ok, I’d bring food and I have a little surprise for you”
Little did she know nothing can surprise me no more, not today and we ended the brief conversation and I noticed my dad arguing quietly with temi and I was looking on the bright side, this is an open cheque that will change my life forever. Mrs. Y, Temi and my dad would pay a fortune to keep their secrets and I stepped into their argument and told Temi that I’ll handle it from here and that its time for her to go.
She made me reassure her five times that I meant it before she left. I saw her off to the nearest place she can get a straight cab home and when she left I decided to check her account balance and wow, was I surprised. She had ₦107,256.65 (and yes why wont I remember the exact amount?). I withdrew six thousand naira to get a hair cut and some expensive condoms (never knew condoms come that expensive, who buys that shit?!) and some air freshener for my room.
As I got into a bus home (never shy of em buses, cabs are expensive…at least compared to a bus!), Mrs Y called me to ask if I had seen the credit. I told her I noticed a text came in earlier but I had not read it and I said thank you in anticipation. I got home and both parents had gone out and my dad left a note saying.............
“The main house key is where it always is and Ur mum left your food in the blue cooler and I’m sorry for all that happened this morning and as compensation, I left you some money beside your food and the key to the Nissan Altima is on the shelf. My secret should be safe with you. You know I really love my family…blah…blah …blah”
Altima? Wow! He never lets anyone touch the altima and its all mine (at least for now). I went in to have my bath and with just my towel, I let myself in the main house to get my food and there was the money he left for me, 20,000 Naira (I’m asking myself why did it have to start now when I had just 2 months to being sent to some northern state in the name of serving a country that has no intent of serving its populace) and just then I heard the gate banging. I checked the time and it was 10:48am and I immediately knew that was impatient Teni waiting in line to get my rammifier (I’m sure I’m not the only one that names his dick) and I went to the gate to open it and there she was, ravishing (and somewhat revealing) as always with nylon bags on bothhands and she laughed at my belly and said I thought you work out?
“That’s what graduation does to you and is that your way of saying hi? You should be punished” I said
“I’ve been a bad girl daddy, punish me and spare not the rod, yet spoil me” and she jumped to hug me and told me she had a surprise for me and before then I have a secret I want to share with you….NO PLS, NOT ANY MORE SECRETS!
“I know of you and my sister, she’s coming here today…isn’t she? She tells me everything u know?! And I know you guys are definitely gonna have sex”…I did make aloud sigh of relief and she continued “could you keep what happened today between us? To make sure of that here is my second ATM and the pin is my year of birth. Please don’t tell Teni…promise me!”
How much more secrets can I keep? First her mum’s and then now hers. Then I realised I was taking too long to reply her… “I promise and you really don’t have to do this” I said.
“Ur apartment needs a little pepping up and we both know u need the cash, just take it…and one more thing?”
”Yea” I managed to mumble out
“Can you repeat this feat anytime I wanna please?! If u aint with anyone then?”
“what if the anyone was Teni?”
“We are sister, we are used to sharing”
I sincerely hope she was trying to make a joke. As we stepped out trying to avoid my parent, my dad stepped out and the unimaginable happened! Temi knew my dad (how?! I was to find out very soon). “Temi, what are you doing here? And what’s all this? So this is how you have been sneaking girls in and out of my house?”…oops.
It happened that Temi and my dad had had something to do with her and they lost contact when she changed schools…I went numb as Temi quickly narrated the story to me and ask me if I had a problem with it, “are you insane? Of course I have a problem with it…I’ve shared the same…” just then my dad pulled temi and I into my room to avoid my mum hearing our conversation and I noticed my phone had just finished ringing and I saw 18 missed calls from Teni and just then she called back.
“Hey handsome you were still asleep right? I couldn’t sleep and I hope you haven’t forgotten about our appointment”
“No, sweet and can’t wait”…I said trying so hard to act right
“Ok, I’d bring food and I have a little surprise for you”
Little did she know nothing can surprise me no more, not today and we ended the brief conversation and I noticed my dad arguing quietly with temi and I was looking on the bright side, this is an open cheque that will change my life forever. Mrs. Y, Temi and my dad would pay a fortune to keep their secrets and I stepped into their argument and told Temi that I’ll handle it from here and that its time for her to go.
She made me reassure her five times that I meant it before she left. I saw her off to the nearest place she can get a straight cab home and when she left I decided to check her account balance and wow, was I surprised. She had ₦107,256.65 (and yes why wont I remember the exact amount?). I withdrew six thousand naira to get a hair cut and some expensive condoms (never knew condoms come that expensive, who buys that shit?!) and some air freshener for my room.
As I got into a bus home (never shy of em buses, cabs are expensive…at least compared to a bus!), Mrs Y called me to ask if I had seen the credit. I told her I noticed a text came in earlier but I had not read it and I said thank you in anticipation. I got home and both parents had gone out and my dad left a note saying.............
“The main house key is where it always is and Ur mum left your food in the blue cooler and I’m sorry for all that happened this morning and as compensation, I left you some money beside your food and the key to the Nissan Altima is on the shelf. My secret should be safe with you. You know I really love my family…blah…blah …blah”
Altima? Wow! He never lets anyone touch the altima and its all mine (at least for now). I went in to have my bath and with just my towel, I let myself in the main house to get my food and there was the money he left for me, 20,000 Naira (I’m asking myself why did it have to start now when I had just 2 months to being sent to some northern state in the name of serving a country that has no intent of serving its populace) and just then I heard the gate banging. I checked the time and it was 10:48am and I immediately knew that was impatient Teni waiting in line to get my rammifier (I’m sure I’m not the only one that names his dick) and I went to the gate to open it and there she was, ravishing (and somewhat revealing) as always with nylon bags on bothhands and she laughed at my belly and said I thought you work out?
“That’s what graduation does to you and is that your way of saying hi? You should be punished” I said
“I’ve been a bad girl daddy, punish me and spare not the rod, yet spoil me” and she jumped to hug me and told me she had a surprise for me and before then I have a secret I want to share with you….NO PLS, NOT ANY MORE SECRETS!
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Sex With My Unknown Boss |The Reply
I woke up in his arms... I hadn't opened my eyes...I knew where i was. In his house, in his room. I could feel his arms around my waist... I didn't want this to end. I gradually opened my eyes to find him sleeping beautifully... Then my stomach rumbled. I was hungry. I hadn't eaten an appropriate meal in a while and i could guess he was also hungry. I could surprise him with breakfast... Quietly and carefully, i detached myself from him... He didn't even move an inch!... He is such a deep sleeper. I checked time, 8:15, i had to hurry with the meal, he was going to wake up any time soon... I headed for the kitchen, i didn't bother with clothes, i wore my thong and one of his t-shirts...
I rummaged his fridge... From what i could see, it looked like he hadn't opened it in weeks... There was nothing much, eggs, butter, bread beer... I could settle for bread and fried eggs... After frying the eggs, thought i'd make myself some coffee when someone hugged me from behind. I screamed instantly, and then i turned around and saw him... I laughed hard! I must have looked stupid!.... I gave him a good morning kiss.
He sat down for his meal... I suddenly became shy. I felt this vibe around him... Could it be love? I asked myself. He was excited... Maybe he felt it too... I went on to serve breakfast... He was done with his meal after which he gave me a kiss... I unconsciously giggled... I just loved the way he kissed me!... I wanted more of him!. "what are your plans for today" i asked, "errr i have no plans"he replied... "you do now" i said, he seemed surprised. He laughed and nodded his head "what exactly do you have in mind?" he asked... "i want to spend more time with you, i really like you if you haven't noticed" i wanted to shout, i didn't want to be rejected so soon, when it all just started and so i thought twice "i'm leaving now, lets see a movie together. Meet me at the mall by 2"... I left for the room to put on my clothes, he was behind me, he tried to persuade me for a quickie... He knew better than that, it was a tempting one but we both knew we would spend more time than usual and so i declined saying "we'd end up not leaving the room the whole day"
I kissed him and left his house. At exactly 2:05, i got to the cinema, i thought he'd have been waiting for me... To my disappointment, i was the one doing the waiting. I waited for about 10minutes before he arrived... After apologising, we went on to see the movie... After the movie, we kept on talking, he was such a conversationalist. We went round the mall, making fun of people around... I asked some basic questions to keep our conversation flowing... Suddenly, as i felt i could feel closer, i wanted to know more, my questions went deeper...
He seemed uncomfortable with the change. "are you okay" i asked, concerned, "yes" he replied coldly, "i don't think so, you look like you just saw a ghost"... "yesternight was fun, we hooked up, the sex was awesome" he told me, "i'mglad you enjoyed it" i said with a smile i couldn't control, "i am not looking for anything serious and this right here is getting serious, i feel like you are already picturing up together". With that, color drained from my face, i thought we had something special, i didnt want him to know how his words had hurt me. "ooooh" i replied, "we're cool right?""yes" i managed! It hurt badly. So he never imagined anything serious between us, i left the mall, the last thing i was going to do was to make him see how much he'd hurt me.
Monday morning was a total shock, i almost fainted! My dad introduced me to the same guy i hooked up with as his HOD!! Life couldn't get any better!
I rummaged his fridge... From what i could see, it looked like he hadn't opened it in weeks... There was nothing much, eggs, butter, bread beer... I could settle for bread and fried eggs... After frying the eggs, thought i'd make myself some coffee when someone hugged me from behind. I screamed instantly, and then i turned around and saw him... I laughed hard! I must have looked stupid!.... I gave him a good morning kiss.
He sat down for his meal... I suddenly became shy. I felt this vibe around him... Could it be love? I asked myself. He was excited... Maybe he felt it too... I went on to serve breakfast... He was done with his meal after which he gave me a kiss... I unconsciously giggled... I just loved the way he kissed me!... I wanted more of him!. "what are your plans for today" i asked, "errr i have no plans"he replied... "you do now" i said, he seemed surprised. He laughed and nodded his head "what exactly do you have in mind?" he asked... "i want to spend more time with you, i really like you if you haven't noticed" i wanted to shout, i didn't want to be rejected so soon, when it all just started and so i thought twice "i'm leaving now, lets see a movie together. Meet me at the mall by 2"... I left for the room to put on my clothes, he was behind me, he tried to persuade me for a quickie... He knew better than that, it was a tempting one but we both knew we would spend more time than usual and so i declined saying "we'd end up not leaving the room the whole day"
I kissed him and left his house. At exactly 2:05, i got to the cinema, i thought he'd have been waiting for me... To my disappointment, i was the one doing the waiting. I waited for about 10minutes before he arrived... After apologising, we went on to see the movie... After the movie, we kept on talking, he was such a conversationalist. We went round the mall, making fun of people around... I asked some basic questions to keep our conversation flowing... Suddenly, as i felt i could feel closer, i wanted to know more, my questions went deeper...
He seemed uncomfortable with the change. "are you okay" i asked, concerned, "yes" he replied coldly, "i don't think so, you look like you just saw a ghost"... "yesternight was fun, we hooked up, the sex was awesome" he told me, "i'mglad you enjoyed it" i said with a smile i couldn't control, "i am not looking for anything serious and this right here is getting serious, i feel like you are already picturing up together". With that, color drained from my face, i thought we had something special, i didnt want him to know how his words had hurt me. "ooooh" i replied, "we're cool right?""yes" i managed! It hurt badly. So he never imagined anything serious between us, i left the mall, the last thing i was going to do was to make him see how much he'd hurt me.
Monday morning was a total shock, i almost fainted! My dad introduced me to the same guy i hooked up with as his HOD!! Life couldn't get any better!
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My First Heart Break Experience - Looking Back
29th of April (four days after my bday). It’s around 11pm at night, and Tina(not real name is sitting on my lap as we both watch some random show. All seems great and wonderful in love land, and out of no where, my madam looks at me, and tells me “I don’t think I can be with you anymore. I just don’t love you like I used to.”She sha said some other gibberish but that’s the only thing I heard.
Damn! Like say person carry dagger shuk me for chest. That was my first real experience with heartbreak, and before you know what’s happening waterfalls start flowing o. Like real real tears.
Now I know this is not something most guys would admit, but omo if you love a babe and she dumps you unexpectedly that shit will hurt like hell…and it did. It hurt so bad that I didn’t know when I started boo-hoo-ing like a baby. You know when a child falls, and hurts themselves and they start crying with that “gear 1, gear 2 crying”? Yep. Na so your boy dey.
In the middle of the street. I get on knees and start begging this babe. Like really begging this babe. “Please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything.” In retrospect I’m not even sure if I knew what I did wrong, but I was just begging. My guys are there trying to control me, and tell me to “be a man” but me no send. Nah so I continue to dey beg this babe, on my knees.*Kai I’ve suffered sha*.
Looking back, it’s actually pretty f*cking pathetic, but sometimes that’s what happens when person carry your heart tear am well well. Needless to say I spent the following weeks listening to all the saddest love songs in the history of mankind, and watching sappy love movies…. I feel like throwing up now sef.
Tufiakwa! Chineke ekwen ife ojo! It shall not happen again lol.
I remember a friend of mine got dumped, and next thing my guy end up for hospital o. Dude couldn’t eat, sleep, for like a week, and all for one moi-moi babe like that. *hiss* But things like that do happen, and as much as guys want to feel like “Omo lai lai, it no dey happen to me”, it probably has at least once. If it hasn’t then just pray it doesn’t happen when you’re older with high blood pressure. LOL.
When I look back sef, I feel like someone should have given me a serious slap so my focus will shift momentarily. But it didn’t happen, no one took the bold step of slapping me and when I look now at the babe, I think to myself “Thank God you didn’t take me back sef.” You ever look back at an ex, and just think “Omo nah God save me from this o. When they say God knows best, he really does.”?
But that aside, let’s get into the real reason of this post, and that is; How low will you go or have you gone for someone you really love (or think you love)? Will you ever get down on your knees and beg? Like really beg? Do you regret it? I’ve begged, and people have begged me, and I know it’s not really a good look.
I mean comments section is anonymous, so una can talk true small, even though some boyz will never admit it sha. LOL. It’s really all just for shits and giggles.
As for me, it shall not happen again. The next time I’m on my knees is when it’s time to propose, and even that sef, I might just bone and stand. *straight face*
Damn! Like say person carry dagger shuk me for chest. That was my first real experience with heartbreak, and before you know what’s happening waterfalls start flowing o. Like real real tears.
Now I know this is not something most guys would admit, but omo if you love a babe and she dumps you unexpectedly that shit will hurt like hell…and it did. It hurt so bad that I didn’t know when I started boo-hoo-ing like a baby. You know when a child falls, and hurts themselves and they start crying with that “gear 1, gear 2 crying”? Yep. Na so your boy dey.
In the middle of the street. I get on knees and start begging this babe. Like really begging this babe. “Please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything.” In retrospect I’m not even sure if I knew what I did wrong, but I was just begging. My guys are there trying to control me, and tell me to “be a man” but me no send. Nah so I continue to dey beg this babe, on my knees.*Kai I’ve suffered sha*.
Looking back, it’s actually pretty f*cking pathetic, but sometimes that’s what happens when person carry your heart tear am well well. Needless to say I spent the following weeks listening to all the saddest love songs in the history of mankind, and watching sappy love movies…. I feel like throwing up now sef.
Tufiakwa! Chineke ekwen ife ojo! It shall not happen again lol.
I remember a friend of mine got dumped, and next thing my guy end up for hospital o. Dude couldn’t eat, sleep, for like a week, and all for one moi-moi babe like that. *hiss* But things like that do happen, and as much as guys want to feel like “Omo lai lai, it no dey happen to me”, it probably has at least once. If it hasn’t then just pray it doesn’t happen when you’re older with high blood pressure. LOL.
When I look back sef, I feel like someone should have given me a serious slap so my focus will shift momentarily. But it didn’t happen, no one took the bold step of slapping me and when I look now at the babe, I think to myself “Thank God you didn’t take me back sef.” You ever look back at an ex, and just think “Omo nah God save me from this o. When they say God knows best, he really does.”?
But that aside, let’s get into the real reason of this post, and that is; How low will you go or have you gone for someone you really love (or think you love)? Will you ever get down on your knees and beg? Like really beg? Do you regret it? I’ve begged, and people have begged me, and I know it’s not really a good look.
I mean comments section is anonymous, so una can talk true small, even though some boyz will never admit it sha. LOL. It’s really all just for shits and giggles.
As for me, it shall not happen again. The next time I’m on my knees is when it’s time to propose, and even that sef, I might just bone and stand. *straight face*
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My Sugar Mummy and I: The Envelope [pt 2}
I was at home that night, thinking of how great the day was and then I remembered the envelope Mrs. Y gave me. As I turned to reach out for my trousers, my phone rang and it was Teni
“ How are you handsome, So are you thinking of me? ”
“ I am ” (I had to lie cos I was actually thinking of her mum) “ …was thinking how soon I can undress, explore and plant my flag on you ”
“ Naughty boy ” she said as she chuckled, ” I have a boyfriend you know?! ”
“ You should! Does that disturb anything cos I wo.. ” she cut me off before I could finish the sentence
“ Doesn’t matter. How soon can we meet up before I head for school this weekend?…plsssss ”
“ Ok fine. Where are you suggesting? My house? Yours? Where? ” I quickly spelled out
“ Your house tomorrow at 12pm. Send me the address, and I’ll bring us what to eat…Watchu think about that? ”
“ That’s fine but….are we gonna..em..u know? So I’d know whether to work out overnight ”
“ A little push up will do… ”she said while laughing
“ See ya then, I’ll BB u the address now…Oops u don’t have a blackberry, I’ll send you a text then ”
“ Because of u, I’ll buy a BB… nonsense boy,bye jor ”
Just then I remembered the envelope. Just as I reached for the envelope inside the trousers, my phone rang again. I thought it was Teni again,only to find out it was her mum
“Hello Ma. I was just about to call you but couldn’t find credit anywhere”
“ I’m good. I’ll send you some credit in the morning ok? Just wanted to thank you for today and I hope this continues safely between us. I hope the money isn’t too small? ”
…I was thinking, why do they always say that? Not like I can answer that it is too small!
“ I haven’t even opened it ma, but I was just about to when you called. Thank you ma. I had fun today ”
“No problem dear. Don’t worry about calling me, I’ll do the calling ok? and pls no texts! We have to play safe here because my kids use my phone at anytime, so if you need to reach me, beep me and I’ll call you back. Take care of yourself and help yourself with some pain relievers and don’t try to act strong cos you need it”
We both laughed and she dropped the line.
This is insane. Am I going nuts? Is this really happening? Then I remembered the envelope and on checking out the contents, it was thirty thousand naira in clean mint thousand naira notes. Woow! It’s like the economic crunch didn’t hit some people. It’s not like the thirty thousand was a big deal (i hear most of y’all say hell it is!), but after meeting her just today, we had sex and I’m being paid thirty thousand naira? I’d let y’all do the maths.
Just then my phone rang just again. It was my mum calling me from the other end of the house (I stay in the BQ) that someone was at the gate. So I put aside the money and headed to see who the person was. In this rain? Who could it be? As I got outside, I asked who the person was before opening the gate(you cant be too careful in Lagos),then i heard a female voice saying “ It’s me Temi ”
What?! Did I hear her right? As I opened the door to confirm it, there was my worst fear come to pass. There she was, drenched in rain and up in tears, all she could mumble out after parting her rain drenched hair off her face was “Please I need you now. Please don’t turn me away…I cant go home..not now!…can I pass the night here please?”
I was scratching out solutions outta my head and asked her to come in, head down to the BQ whilst I go make an explanation to my parents about who was at the gate and probably get my food and some female clothings for her (Belinda, I’m sorry I had to borrow some of your clothes). I told my parents,some stranger was lost and I was giving him directions and then went on to meet her.
“ What happened? Did you have a fight with your mum? ” I asked.
“ No! I am coming from my boyfriend’s house with whom I was supposed to spend two days and caught him sleeping with someone else and he told me the bitch is his fiancée and sent me out like trash and asked me not to ruin his marriage plans. He called me a spoilt brat and so many other ridiculous names as I strolled out of his house ”
“But how did you get where I live? Have you been here before?”
“ No, I logged in with Teni’s account on facebook to look for your contact details but I did not see anything till I checked your profile on your blogsite and found it ”
I quickly added “ Why me? Dont you have any other friends? I’m 22 you know? And I still play by my parent’s rule. I could get in trouble if they knew you were here ”
“ We don’t have much friends except in school and you are the only person I could think of ”
“ Ok, fine! Get outta those wet clothes and lets eat. Guess I’m stuck with you for the night. Do you do playstations or you’d facebook on the laptop? There’s not much to do around here. ”
“ How can I thank you? Thank you very much ” as she started changing her clothes in front of me.
“Hey?! Watchu doing? I’m here you know?”
She managed a smile and said “ I wish I wasn’t on my period ”
I pondered on what that was supposed to mean. It could mean only one thing… might she wanna? nah? Could it be she’s in…? Couldn’t be. What was I thinking? Of course she wont mind having sex with me, its a cold night (who doesn’t need one on nights like this) and just then I asked her “ Have you ever had sex on your period?…not like I wanna…u get what I mean? ”
She shocked me by saying “ No, but I’ve always wanted to try that ”
Without further questions, I stood up and she came closer and then we kissed so passionately that it went for 15 minutes and then kissing down to her neck as she knelt down to lay on the mattress pushing away the playstaion pad and laptop gently to the side. She carefully removed her pad laden pant and she blew me out (literally as in wow and figuratively as in a blow job). She was the best and I could have returned the favour then I remembered she was actually on her period. I handed over the condom to her to signal it’s time for the real deal. She professionally slipped one of those expensive condoms you save for girls like this (I mean she didn’t look like a gold circle girl)
She started riding me like a jockey and I was pitying her poor boyfriend amidst the fun for letting her go and as I came, my dad beeped me. It was time to put off the generator. I noticed she still had more in her and I told her to reserve it till I come back and just managed a chuckle as she turned to her side.
Did not know NEPA (or PHCN) had brought the light for over thirty minutes and I quickly went to change the switch and on getting back, Temi was fast asleep. I stood staring at her, “Why would anyone ditch a girl like this?” As I lay beside her I felt something on the bed, it was the envelope…THE ENVELOPE!!
“ How are you handsome, So are you thinking of me? ”
“ I am ” (I had to lie cos I was actually thinking of her mum) “ …was thinking how soon I can undress, explore and plant my flag on you ”
“ Naughty boy ” she said as she chuckled, ” I have a boyfriend you know?! ”
“ You should! Does that disturb anything cos I wo.. ” she cut me off before I could finish the sentence
“ Doesn’t matter. How soon can we meet up before I head for school this weekend?…plsssss ”
“ Ok fine. Where are you suggesting? My house? Yours? Where? ” I quickly spelled out
“ Your house tomorrow at 12pm. Send me the address, and I’ll bring us what to eat…Watchu think about that? ”
“ That’s fine but….are we gonna..em..u know? So I’d know whether to work out overnight ”
“ A little push up will do… ”she said while laughing
“ See ya then, I’ll BB u the address now…Oops u don’t have a blackberry, I’ll send you a text then ”
“ Because of u, I’ll buy a BB… nonsense boy,bye jor ”
Just then I remembered the envelope. Just as I reached for the envelope inside the trousers, my phone rang again. I thought it was Teni again,only to find out it was her mum
“Hello Ma. I was just about to call you but couldn’t find credit anywhere”
“ I’m good. I’ll send you some credit in the morning ok? Just wanted to thank you for today and I hope this continues safely between us. I hope the money isn’t too small? ”
…I was thinking, why do they always say that? Not like I can answer that it is too small!
“ I haven’t even opened it ma, but I was just about to when you called. Thank you ma. I had fun today ”
“No problem dear. Don’t worry about calling me, I’ll do the calling ok? and pls no texts! We have to play safe here because my kids use my phone at anytime, so if you need to reach me, beep me and I’ll call you back. Take care of yourself and help yourself with some pain relievers and don’t try to act strong cos you need it”
We both laughed and she dropped the line.
This is insane. Am I going nuts? Is this really happening? Then I remembered the envelope and on checking out the contents, it was thirty thousand naira in clean mint thousand naira notes. Woow! It’s like the economic crunch didn’t hit some people. It’s not like the thirty thousand was a big deal (i hear most of y’all say hell it is!), but after meeting her just today, we had sex and I’m being paid thirty thousand naira? I’d let y’all do the maths.
Just then my phone rang just again. It was my mum calling me from the other end of the house (I stay in the BQ) that someone was at the gate. So I put aside the money and headed to see who the person was. In this rain? Who could it be? As I got outside, I asked who the person was before opening the gate(you cant be too careful in Lagos),then i heard a female voice saying “ It’s me Temi ”
What?! Did I hear her right? As I opened the door to confirm it, there was my worst fear come to pass. There she was, drenched in rain and up in tears, all she could mumble out after parting her rain drenched hair off her face was “Please I need you now. Please don’t turn me away…I cant go home..not now!…can I pass the night here please?”
I was scratching out solutions outta my head and asked her to come in, head down to the BQ whilst I go make an explanation to my parents about who was at the gate and probably get my food and some female clothings for her (Belinda, I’m sorry I had to borrow some of your clothes). I told my parents,some stranger was lost and I was giving him directions and then went on to meet her.
“ What happened? Did you have a fight with your mum? ” I asked.
“ No! I am coming from my boyfriend’s house with whom I was supposed to spend two days and caught him sleeping with someone else and he told me the bitch is his fiancée and sent me out like trash and asked me not to ruin his marriage plans. He called me a spoilt brat and so many other ridiculous names as I strolled out of his house ”
“But how did you get where I live? Have you been here before?”
“ No, I logged in with Teni’s account on facebook to look for your contact details but I did not see anything till I checked your profile on your blogsite and found it ”
I quickly added “ Why me? Dont you have any other friends? I’m 22 you know? And I still play by my parent’s rule. I could get in trouble if they knew you were here ”
“ We don’t have much friends except in school and you are the only person I could think of ”
“ Ok, fine! Get outta those wet clothes and lets eat. Guess I’m stuck with you for the night. Do you do playstations or you’d facebook on the laptop? There’s not much to do around here. ”
“ How can I thank you? Thank you very much ” as she started changing her clothes in front of me.
“Hey?! Watchu doing? I’m here you know?”
She managed a smile and said “ I wish I wasn’t on my period ”
I pondered on what that was supposed to mean. It could mean only one thing… might she wanna? nah? Could it be she’s in…? Couldn’t be. What was I thinking? Of course she wont mind having sex with me, its a cold night (who doesn’t need one on nights like this) and just then I asked her “ Have you ever had sex on your period?…not like I wanna…u get what I mean? ”
She shocked me by saying “ No, but I’ve always wanted to try that ”
Without further questions, I stood up and she came closer and then we kissed so passionately that it went for 15 minutes and then kissing down to her neck as she knelt down to lay on the mattress pushing away the playstaion pad and laptop gently to the side. She carefully removed her pad laden pant and she blew me out (literally as in wow and figuratively as in a blow job). She was the best and I could have returned the favour then I remembered she was actually on her period. I handed over the condom to her to signal it’s time for the real deal. She professionally slipped one of those expensive condoms you save for girls like this (I mean she didn’t look like a gold circle girl)
She started riding me like a jockey and I was pitying her poor boyfriend amidst the fun for letting her go and as I came, my dad beeped me. It was time to put off the generator. I noticed she still had more in her and I told her to reserve it till I come back and just managed a chuckle as she turned to her side.
Did not know NEPA (or PHCN) had brought the light for over thirty minutes and I quickly went to change the switch and on getting back, Temi was fast asleep. I stood staring at her, “Why would anyone ditch a girl like this?” As I lay beside her I felt something on the bed, it was the envelope…THE ENVELOPE!!
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What is a Blog | part 1
If you don't know, “blog” is an abbreviated version of the German word Hïlderblōgen , which translates literally to mean “a safe, public place to tell your deepest, darkest secrets, and to drone on and on about any tedious detail that pops into your head, uncensored, because no one will care to read it anyway.”
Let’s dissect the various features included in the definition of a Hïlderblōgen .
1. Safe
The fundamental truth behind the Hïlderblōgen is that you can safely share absolutely anything on your mind, from ill-informed political views to utterly mundane stories about your childhood (omitting insight gained from the experiences), and even your stalker-like obession with someone whose full name can and should be included in your writing.
A Hïlderblōgen is like a plant you give a name and tell all your dirt (look, a pun!), only instead of a plant that has no capacity for storing or recalling information, it’s a virtual journal that anyone can access through a basic Google search, if only there was the slightest desire in another human to read it.
2. Public
You might be thinking, “If a Hïlderblōgen is just a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings, why don’t I buy a plant like everyone else, or get a pet, or a journal?” Herein lies the Hïlderblōgen ’s greatest power and seduction – it is public . That means a writer can experience the rush of exhibitionism without the actual risk that someone might see what he’s writing because absolutely no one is interested. In fact, the more a writer can tap into the infinite depths of his self-indulgent and write mercilessly while deluding himself into believing that it might be enlightening or empowering to someone else, the better.
3. Uncensored
This feature is closely related to two others – unprepared and un edited .
For a Hïlderblōgen to achieve its genuine tone, the writer mustn’t think through what he wants to say before he starts saying it. Thinking sometimes leads to insight, which has no place in his writing. Besides, if people wanted to read actually-meaningful content (not that anyone will be reading his post), they would just listen to an audiobook or watch An Inconvenient Truth .
While he is writing, he should not refrain from saying exactly what’s on his mind at the time. “Social etiquette” and “political correctness” hold no weight over a Hïlderblōgen . Even if he’s writing about an experience that involves the privacy of others, the writer should include every intimate detail he can remember.
Once the writing is finished, the post should be published immediately. No editing or revising is necessary, and even a cursory once-over can lead to discovering areas where his ideas weren’t accurately expressed. Avoid these misleading doubts at all costs. The most honest version is the first version, unprepared, uncensored, and unedited.
—————
For years now, people have proudly created millions of Hïlderblōgûåđrn (plural form), bravely refusing to offer anything profound, instructional, or even the littlest bit interesting. Instead, they zealously post banal summaries of errands, as well as trite and ever-recycled quotes from authors they’ve never read or leaders they know nothing about. Sometimes they will also include a picture of a small animal dressed like a human, or a video link they “discovered,” boldly ignoring the million views it has collected without the generous free publicity from anyone’s sweater-knitting Hïlderblōgen . This last stage ensures a writer is fully utilising his online voice.
With Thoughts in Word Form , I only hope to achieve a fraction of the gloriously mind-numbing effects of so many Hïlderblōgûåđrn who have come before me.
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My Sugar Mummy And I | The Beginning
Mrs. Y is the wife of the ambassador of Nigeria to a Caribbean country(name withheld), she has a very successful chain of boutiques and supermarkets(name withheld) and was in Nigeria most times rather than being with her husband, she has two daughters and a son, both daughters are my age group but still in some private university(name withheld).
Hmmmm….How did we meet? You might ask. I met her at a famous cinema at Yaba. I watched her daughter with great interest as she ran off to meet a friend of hers and I had to take the lift with her and in the silence of the lift, I heard a voice say “ You seem to like my daughter huh?! ” Trying to pretend I didn’t hear her the first time, I said “’ scuse me? ” Then she said “O h! Come off it, it’s not like I dint see you staring at my Teni ”, Then I chuckled “ you got me there ma “.
“ My name is Mrs. Y and I think I’ll be stuck to you past this elevator, you won’t mind some company would you? ”
“ Naaah ” I said, without thinking twice.
DING , The elevator opens and after the “ after you ” courtesy, I now realised that she is indeed a fine woman with a J-lo kinda body. We decided to chat off at one of the eateries while we wait for our movie. I told her a little about myself and she told me a whole lot – she got married at nineteen and now thirty nine with three kids and how she knows that her husband fools around with Caribbean girls, but she can’t do anything about it because he’s ten years older.
She told me about Temi, Teni and Timi. I fell in love with her family straight away, and we kept on talking and I don’t know when or how it slipped that I’ve always wanted a sugar mummy, she picked up her bag and said;
“ You haven’t found one yet, keep searching! ”
Dumb founded and confused I eased myself out of the chair to chase her down the hall, but her daughter and her friends had caught up with her and I could do nothing. I had blown it (or so I thought!). Surprisingly her daughter and friends went to see a different movie (some romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston as a reporter who jumped bail and was hunted by her cop ex-husband)and she went to see clash of the titans, I quickly opted for the same movie, though I had seen it twice already.
As I entered the dark movie hall, trying to use the screen light to find my way to my sugar mama(oops I mean soon-to-be), I noticed her in the corner at the top corner sitting alone enjoying her movie and I went to meet her and sat beside her, after twenty minutes I decided to talk since she wouldn’t.
“ Ok, so I fucked up…..I’m sorry. ” She just kept on eating her popcorn and watching her movie. “ Ok fine, I’d just go in front of the screen and yell I’m sorry ” I continued.
She called my bluff and asked me to do it. “ You know I can’t, pls I’m really sorry ”
And then something crazy happened, she drew me closer and kissed me… “ I have less than two hours before my kids finish their movie… Do u know a place we can be alone together? ” she said.
Before I could snap outta the kiss, she thought of somewhere and said “ let’s go! ” We got to the lot downstairs and she threw the key of her Honda element to me and said, “ You drive and I’d navigate ”, I told her I wanted to get some condoms at dominos supermarket, she chuckles and asked me to hurry. Like superman, I was back at the car in seconds and we were zooming off to a cute guest house in alagomeji and I did the checking in and next we knew we were staring each other in the eye inside the loft room; not like we did not know what to do, but where to start from. I made a gesture by looking at my wrist and she jumped at me and was kissing me all over and as I begin to undress her I noticed a tattoo of a tiger on her back (she probably had a short but fun filled youth that was cut short by her marriage and pregnancy or I just might be wrong). I gently worked my way across her body (not minding the time we had left at first) and we made love three times (twice in the bedroom and once in the bathroom under the shower) and we laid the bed together whilst acknowledging each other’s prowess.
We were about to leave the room when I noticed she still had her shower cap on. Oops… We got that fixed and then checked out.
We got into the car and she opted to drive back and was acting shy, I was about asking her what’s wrong when I got a call from my girlfriend asking me how my day was. “ Thrilling, tiring yet satisfying ” I said. She probably thought I meant it more figuratively rather literally and had a little chat about her day and she dropped the line. Mrs. Y said I was crazy for telling her what I said and we both laughed as she concluded how stupid females can be when they are in love and can’t see the obvious things (sorry ladies….she said so). She even made a joke by saying if a girl in love sees her boyfriend having sex with her sister, he can still deny it saying it’s her evil twin or it wasn’t him or the sister drugged him and she’d believe him.
We got back just in time for the credits and she introduced me to her daughter as a new friend and Teni immediately loved me but somehow Temi and I never got along fine. Teni loved my sense of humour, my looks and the fact that I had finished school, still very young and Temi didn’t believe any of those (or so I thought at first). I told them I had to leave early because the holdup I was to face on my way home. She asked me where I was headed and surprisingly, we stayed not so far from each other (who would have thought someone of their status would live in the area I stayed in) and she asked me to hop in.
I sat between Temi and Teni and I made sure Temi liked something about me. She ended up appreciating my writing skills when I showed her some of my write up on my blogsite. Teni kept complaining I was shifting the attention to Temi and I was forced to turn to her as she was showing me pictures on facebook via her nokia N97 (some crazy ass phone that has 32gigabyte.who needs that?!) and she checked mine as well and noticed my status that says “complicated” and she kept on questioning it and I asked her jokingly if she would love to fill the space. Instead of saying no, like most girls would, she asked what it will take her to fill it and jokingly I replied “ Kiss me here and we are on. ”
And she did lean over in an attempt to do so when I stopped her and whispered to her ears, “ we’d do it where we can get our clothes off after” and she simply chuckled and nodded in agreement. I thought to myself, just in case this is not a dream, I just might have a shot at all three of them and Temi broke my thoughts by whispering to my other ear that she’s on her period that’s why she can’t afford a smile for now and she does like me a lot already so I don’t get the wrong idea about her and just then Mrs. Y said she wanted to grab some salad at the eatery and get their daily supply of waste for their dog and asked me to escort her on our way and she said;
“ Thank you for playing along with my girls and when next do I see you again my baby? ” It’s funny she actually thought I was playing along. “ I’m at home most mornings before I go to the shop later in the day and the girls will be back in school by next weekend ” she continued. At that point I wanted to opt out then she placed an envelope in my hands and said “Thanks for today and pls keep this a secret as long as you can! ”
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Happy Birthday To My GirlFriend
Don’t believe me, well let me give you some reasons why you are so great:
From the first day I can remember you have always said you love me and you are proud of me. No matter what I did, how well I did it, or even if I did anything at all, you were there to tell me that you loved me and that you were proud of me.
You have always been more concerned about us even if it cost you sleep. From late night adventures to early morning lunch packing, you always made sure that we were taken care of even if you had to stay up late at night or get up early. I always knew that no matter what time I came home at night you would wake up to make sure that I was safe and alive.
I read a book the other day. It was about a woman living in Africa who noticed that Nigeria children were better behaved than american children. it had to do, she discovered, that the Nigerian mothers, with their high standards for patience and manners in their children, and with the way they taught their children by example how to behave politely, maturely, and, above all, with sophistication. the author was somewhat enchanted by the idea that parents might not exist to spoil their kids or raise "the best," but to teach their kids to be well-behaved and self-reliant, and in the process, to allow themselves a rich life both in and outside of motherhood.
At one point in the book i started smiling and didn't stop until the last page. i couldn't help myself. apparently I was convinced that you knew the best environment for me to grow in. Growing up i knew you were something special. i could tell by how you dressed, how you gave attention to others, and how you cultivated yourself as a priority in the middle of raising us girls. i knew there was more to you than "just mom." and because of it i knew that when you wanted something of me, it was something worth giving. what you expected from me was something worth living up to.
From a young age you taught us about Jesus, you taught us how to speak, and you taught us how to love. Never forgetting that you were a Mom, you would come home from long 10 hour days at work to help us with our homework or just plain listen to us complain. But you always were there to teach us how to live, and that was best done by the example you showed us each and every day.
I have always said that if I am 30 and not married I am adopting. Why? Because I want to be a Dad. Truthfully I have always wanted to be a Dad (and wanted to find a women to marry so I can be a dad, but I am working on that one first don’t worry). I think some are afraid of being a parent, not me. I know it is not easy, but your example has shown me what it means to be a parent. You have taught me about patience, about discipline, and about how to unconditionally love. I cannot wait to be a parent and try to be half as good of a parent as you.
You kept your children safe. And yes, you raised your voice sometimes. But those moments were borne out of a place of love and were always motivated for fear of your families safety.
You gave us the opportunity to travel. To live in an urban environment and a rural one. You kept me in school. You taught me every life-skill that you possibly could in order to prepare me for this mean world. Although born wise, your wisdom has grown exponentially in the past few years.
You often take opportunity to tell me how proud you are of me. How lucky you think you are to have me as a son. You also tell me that you believe in me and my abilities all of the time. And recently I started to believe you. I think if you said it because you “have to say it” that you probably would have stopped long ago.
Well Mom! You know something? I am who I am thanks to you. I know how to cook, clean, launder,communicate, bank, learn, and function in social situations because of you. And I would quite literally be nothing without you.
Happy Birthday To you Mum
warm birthday wishes to
my mother,
my sister,
my confidante,
my comfort zone,
my lap safety from the world,
my arms to drive the sorrows away,
my shopping partner, (lol)
my friend,
my idol,
my hero,
my partner in crime,
my love,
my life,
my world,
my universe,
my EVERYTHING!!!!!
the older i get
the more
I appreciate you
as my mom
and all the rest
you are to me
your strength and resilience inspire me,
you are constantly evolving in each phase of your life,
still challenging yourself to be the best person you can be.
For that and much much more I cherish you and your soul everyday.
Thanks mom for giving me someone to look up to.
I LOVE YOU MOM
THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A REAL-LIFE HERO
here's wishing
a happy birthday to
the best, most beautiful woman
I know...praying that our bond
only gets stronger with each passing
year as it has so far...
may you continue to smile and be an important
part of my life for many many many
birthdays to come
with lots of love, hugs, kisses, and prayers,
Other people think that they have the best Mom in the world. They are mistaken. There is only you. May this be your happiest birthday yet!
Because we could not be blessed with a mother better then you.
L-R: Dad, Me, Elfrida, Mum
The Beat 99.9fm lagos
Omobaba #1 AKA Fine Boy
I.K(Presenter at rhythm 93.7FM and Host Of Big Brother Africa tv Show
Area Mama Tosin Bucknor (Presenter at Top Radio 99.9fm Lagos
Sen. Patrick Obahiagbon. Member of the senate representing the House Of Representative, Federal Republic Of Nigeria
Eva, Nigerian Female Musician/Rapper
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